An Idiot in the Jedi Temple
by padawanjinx
Summary: **CHAPTER 7 IS NOW UP** This is a story of what happened when I went to Coruscant.It's silly & warped...Thank you for your patience... dont forget to R&R like a good little Paddle-wan .. hehe
1. Default Chapter Title

AN IDIOT IN THE JEDI TEMPLE 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Mr. Lucas' mind, but I swear this really happened. I spent a weekend on Coruscant, and a few other places. 

WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references. 

<< .........>> denotes my thoughts. (..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....lets get things started (on the muppet show) 

"I love this movie!! I wish I was in it....that would be so cool. George Lucas you are a genius!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My best friend, Jackie, looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said as we walked to my car. This was my 15th time of seeing Star Wars: Episode 1. I decided to drag her to the theater, though she can't stand sci-fi, she went along to get out of the house. I forgot my purse in the theather and I gave her the keys to warm up the engine while I went and retrieved my purse. I found it in the seat I was sitting in and when I turned I was face to face with some strange man. He glared at me and I felt chills race through my veins. "So pretty one, you like this movie, huh?" his voice rasped. 

"Yeah, I love it." I said in a low voice. 

"I noticed you have been here several times. You seem like a loyal fan, and a good-natured person. I think I can trust you." he said with a slight grin. 

"Trust me? With what?", my curoisity peaked. 

"Take this," he said, grabbing my hand and placing a small bluish crystal in it. 

"What is it?" I asked, moving the stone around in my hand. 

"I heard you wish you could be the movie, so I'm giving you the means. Hold the stone in your hand and wish what movie you want to enter. Pack the things you want to take with you, keep them close by at all times. Remember, they don't have Cd's, VCR's, TV's and the like so you will have to learn to do without them. And when you least expect it, you will be in whatever movie you wanted." he said, a smile spreading across his face. 

"Yeah right! Do I look like I was born yesterday?" I snapped. 

"Just try it, and do NOT take anyone with you. It only works for one person." he said as he left the theather. I stood there turning the pretty stone over in my hand. << Maybe I could make it into jewlery?>> 

I went back to my car where Jackie had the stereo jamming. She turned it down and pestered me on what took so long. I explained the strange man and the stone. She had a good laugh at my expense. She was right, how could I been so dumb to believe something like that would happen? I drove home to her teasing and laughing at me. I felt like an idoit. << Then again, what else is new?>> 

I dropped Jackie home and went through a drive-thru for a quick bite to eat. When I got home I had this strange feeling. I took out the stone and looked it over. It really was very pretty. All shades of blue seem to twinkle in the light. I was SO curious, I thought, <<'What the hell?'>> I held the stone in my hands and said, "I wish to be in the Star Wars universe, a couple of years before Phantom Menance. Obi-Wan and I would be the same age." An evil grin spread across my face. I ran upstairs and began to pack the things I couldn't live without. My walkman, CD's, a couple of movies(just in case), lots of clothes(for all occasions), camera, several rolls of film I was saving for a trip, extra batteries, and a ton of junk food. 

I had two large sport duffel bags stuffed to capasity, one side with candy bars. I went over a checklist, giggling like an idiot. I felt foolish, but I was having fun, so I didn't care. I thought of the things to tell people of my silly endeavor. Excuses poured into me and I bounced around grabbing "necessities". I waited for 4 hours sitting beside my luggage. I heard the clock chime 3am and I fell asleep soon after. 

I was asleep on top of my luggage when I felt something poke me in the ribs. ( I thought it was the dog.) I twisted about to evade his cold wet nose, and got another poke on my backside. I was still wanting to sleep in, so I yelled, "Stop poking me or die!!" I rolled off the bags landed in a heap on a cold smooth surface. <> 

I opened my eyes and meet the gaze of Yoda. I screamed, bolted upright and began to studder. I couldn't believe it! I looked around and I was in the middle of the council chambers, surrounded by all the members. << I think I lost what was left of my mind!>> 

"OK.....this is a dream. I'm ok. I need to relax." I said as I closed my eyes. "OK, this confirms it......I'M NUTS!!" I took several deep breaths and opened my eyes. << THEY WERE STILL THERE!>> I closed my eyes again and shook my head in disbelief. I heard the doors open and I looked up to see what else could push me over the edge. There was Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan standing in the doorway! I screamed again and fainted. 

"Who is she?" someone asked. Voices barely audible were mumbling around. I raised my head and looked around at the strange, but familiar people surrounding me. Then it dawned on me. 

"OK.....the joke is over. Come out ya'll. You got me, I'm an easy target." I started to call out. Everyone looked at me weird. "Mags, are you responsible for this?" 

"Young lady, who are you? Where are you from? How did you get here?" 

" I'm ME, and I'm from over there, and I'm here because dad forgot to stop by the drugstore. OK....where is everyone? Joke is over. This is not funny anymore ya'll! (I looked around in awe) I can't believe you got the actors to go along with this. Nice job...real cute. Especailly Obi-Wan...OH GOD TAKE ME NOW! HUBBA HUBBA!" I yelled alittle louder than earlier. I noticed he blushed. << Ya think he'd be used to it by now.>> 

"Young lady are you ok?" asked "Mace Windu". He turned to the others, "I think she is in shock. Call for a healer." 

"Alright, this is definatly pushing it. I know you all are just hired to trick me, but your taking it too far. See, I know Yoda is really a puppet!" I said grabbing Yoda and picking him up. <> He wiggled around in my arms and I let him down, stunned into silence. Everyone glared at me. No one dared do a thing like that to the Jedi master. I could tell I was in REAL trouble. 

The healer entered and asked who needed to be healed. I resisted the urge to go along with the rest of THAT joke. << Didn't need to piss anyone else off. >> They poined at me and told the healer, "I think she is in shock. She is very erratic and acting crazy." 

"Thank you. I thought I was going sane there for a minute. Beam me up Scottie." I said. <_> Everyone was shocked. "By the way, call me Chic, or PJ." _

"Chic? What kind of name is that?" asked a quiet voice of someone I didn't recognize. 

"It's my internet name. So isn't PJ. It's short for padawan jinx." I said proudly. 

"Your a padawan?" Qui-Gon asked. I was so happy to see him alive I jumped up and hugged him. A few tears escaped and I wiped them away. He was startled and just stood there waiting for me to release him. I let go and giggled alittle. I forgot he doesn't know me.<< Boy do I feel stupid!>> 

"Not offically. Mom is a jinx and she said it's rubbing off on me. So I adopted the nickname." I explained. 

"How did you get in here?" Mace Windu asked. 

"Well, Windy," I started, "it's like this. I was given a little stone and told it would grant my wish of being in movies. So I played "devils advocate" and gave it a try. I woke up here. Just wanted to say that I'm so happy to actually meet ya'll." 

"Wait a minute!" I said as I rumaged through my duffle bag. I pulled out my camera and snapped a couple of pics. "People won't believe me when I tell them where I've been. HEY, can I fly a transport, or play with a lightsaber?" I asked enthusiastically. 

"Do you have experience with one?" Qui-Gon asked. 

"Well, not officailly. I do have martial arts training with swords and I play with plastic lightsabers at home. Is that good enough?" I was so hoping to cut something up. 

"I'm sorry, but you have to have Jedi training for it." Qui-Gon said as he shook his head. I drew my brows and stared at him, I was so pissed. I waited a few minutes and stuck my tongue out at him. Someone giggled, but I couldn't determine who it was. 

The council doors opened and three ugly looking aliens entered. The Jedi's seemed to be stunned and they back away from them. One looked like a fish and I burst out laughing. I had so many punchlines going through my head.<< "It's Captian Caviar!" "Can I get some tartar sauce with you?" "I've looked like that before, course I was choking to death at the time." "Piss me off and I'll fillet your ass!" "Didn't I see you at Long John Silvers?" "Let's go to Red Lobster, you may see family">> 

I noticed these little critters in cages that the ugly aliens carried. They reminded me of a sloth, and EXTREMELY stinky. 

The Jedi's backed as far away as they could, placing me between the aliens and themselves. I looked back and forth and felt a arm wrap around my neck. I was hauled to my feet by one of the aliens. He wasn't the world's best smelling creature either and I sneezed. He held me against him with an arm pinned to my neck. I sneezed again. 

"If your going to grab me like that and play rough, at least buy me dinner" I giggled, and sneezed again. My eyes were watering and I couldn't breathe very well. 

"I think I'm alergic to you, hairy." I said, sounding congested. 

"Quiet, or I will kill you!" he snapped. I sneezed again, this time alittle bit of the congestion worked its way free. I needed to blow my nose, so I wiggled around. He smacked me upside the head. I thought of a way to make him pay! I blew my nose really hard and wiped it on his sleeves. A long line of snot ran up his forearm. He yelled and tighened his grip on my neck, causing me to gasp. 

The council members pleaded with him to let me go. He just laughed at them. I was getting very tired of this treatment. I said, "I think you all should be pleading with ME instead of him." They looked at me funny.<< BIG SURPRISE.>> 

He cackled and asked,"Just what is that supposed to mean? You expecting your precious Jedi's to help you? Well they can't!! They are powerless, thanks to my little pets here!" He motioned towards the creatures in the cages. 

His breath smelled worse than his body, making me turn green. I sighed and said, "Oh for crying out loud!! Just like a man, thinks a woman needs help! I don't need anyone's help! I can whoop your ass without them my stinky friend!!" I twisted around and did the famous "grab, twist, and yank as hard as you can" manuever in his groin area. His eyes crossed, he turned blue and he stopped breathing, momentarily. He fell like a stone and rolled around on the floor whimpering in soprano. 

His companion went to his side and was repremanding him in a foreign language. I just grinned and turned to face the stunned Jedi's. I shrugged, "That's the first thing they teach in hand to hand combat." A hint of amusment was on their faces. One of the aliens pointed a weapon at us and motioned for the third to grab their lightsabers. 

The fallen alien slowly made his way to a chair and sat down to recover from tangling with me. I started giggling uncontrolably, (as I'm apt to do from time to time.) "Maybe he needs a healer. I can do it." I chimed in. 

The Jedi's looked at me and I just grinned evilly. They didn't need the force to sense I was up to something. One of the aliens grabbed my arm and lead me to his fallen comrade. I grinned and asked him if he wanted healed. He squeeked his answer and sat up as I started the routine. The Jedi's and alien intruders watched me, wondering what I was doing. I did the "normal" set-up to the joke. I started out with the "patty-cake" bit and when he was least expecting it....WHAM....he was heeled! I hit him as hard as I could with the palm of my hand. It landed squarely on his forehead and he fell to the ground, hitting his head and knocking him cold. 

The other alien grabbed my arm and asked, "Who are you? Are you the Jedi's secret weapon?" I leaned over and kissed his nose. He looked at me with surprise. << I like doing that to people. Always keep them guessing.>> He walked over to his other comrade(the one not unconscious) and they whispered quietly. I crawled over to my luggage and started to rumage through my stuff. I grabbed a candy bar and torn into it. I found my walkman and I sat down hard, pulling the earphones on. I turned it on and jammed with a candy bar hanging out of the corner of my mouth. 

Evidently my body has a mind of its own (I know it doesn't listen to me) and I was unknownly bouncing all over the place. I brought up my gaze to the stare of the room. I swallowed the last bit of my candy bar and grinned innocently. << Wonder if they bought it?>> One of the intruders motioned for Obi-Wan to investigate what was going on with me. I wanted to jump his bones, but for the sake of everyone else in the room, I didn't. I sat and watched him pull out the walkman from my duffel. He accidently hit the skip button and I grimanced. << I didn't like this song. >> I took the earphones off and did my best Bugs Bunny impression, "What's up doc?" 

Obi-Wan looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. I just smiled and got an overwelming urge to kiss him. He blushed and smiled at me. << I hope he didn't sense what I thinking>> I got a sudden urge to dance, so I jumped up and grabbed the nearest intruder to cut a rug. Evidently he doesn't know this Earth ritual and he tried to push me away. I thought it was time to get out "the tickle bug". <> He smacked me so hard I went flying a few feet. I spun around so my back would be towards him and I held my stomach. The council members thought I was injured, but when I made it to my feet again, a lightsaber was ignited. (I picked his pocket!!!) I turned and stabbed him straight through the shoulder. He let out a scream and dropped his weapon. Qui-Gon attacked the other alien and forced him to surrender. 

I wanted to show off alittle, so I spun around and did a few little tricks I learned in martail arts class and as a majorette. After I finished I leaned against the wall, foot swept over the other leg, crossing at the ankle. I brought the lightsaber to rest on my shoulder. <> I screamed and threw it to the ground where is slid across the room and one of the Jedi's picked it up. 

I laughed, "Forgot my swords don't burn like that. Oh well, Live and learn. God, that stings. OWW OWW OWW OWW" 

The alien I beat up arose and pointed a weapon at everyone and hissed out his demands. I rolled my eyes and watched as the Jedi's released his companions. I did a "Curley" impression (fluttered my hands and repeated the "NUK NUK NUK NUK.....WOO BOOBOOO) and went to sit by my stuff again. Everyone wondered what I was doing when I started unpacking little boxes and shuffling around little cases. It took me a few minutes to set-up my portable stereo. I loaded fresh batteries and found the CD I wanted to listen to. << For some reason the soundtrack to "Mortal Kombat" echoed in my head (maybe because there's so much room up there?).>> I turned it on and the aliens collasped. Everyone watched as they twitched and held their ears. I just laughed and started to sing along. 

The intruders were taken away and the stinky animals went with them. I switched CD's and noticed I was being watched. "Don't tell me....I'm in trouble. Right?" I asked getting fustrated. They just shook their heads. "What? What did I do? Tell me!" I was getting more and more pissed off. 

"You single-handedly beat up three intruders, not once, but twice!" Mace said, slapping me on the back. I was stunned by his actions, so wasn't the other members. 

"Cool." I said, happy as can be. Mace looked at me and had the question right on the tip of his tongue. I cut him off at the pass," No I'm not cold. It's an expression on my planet." 

"And what planet is that, Chic?"someone asked. 

"It's the little one over there." I said giggling. "No, it's a planet called EARTH." 

"Are you ever serious or are you always wired up like this?" Qui-Gon asked. 

<> I looked down and sighed heavily, and broke out in a fit of laughter. I noticed Mace was still standing beside me. His robe flowed around him and swept back and forth with his every motion. ( I was curious as a cat.) So I lifted it and crawled underneath yelling, "What do you have under here. DAMN!" I was being smacked on the head and he was yelling at me to get out from under there. He pulled his robe back to allow one of the other members a chance to grab me. I grabbed a hold on one of his legs, squealing and mock crying. I wrapped both my arms and legs around his leg, a manical look in my eyes. << I LOVE BEING DEVIOUS!>> 

He bopped me on top the head really hard. I was just playing, but if he wanted to get rough, I WILL GET ROUGH. I bit him on the upper thigh. He screamed and I let go, sliding myself across the floor. He glared at me and I just laughed, rubbing the top of my head. <_> _

Several other council members held him back and he clinched teeth, holding back on his language. I shook my head at him and said, "Anger leads to the dark side. Got pissed off at a little thing like me. Not as composed as you thought you were, huh?" I rose and walked over to him. I smiled and gave him a big hug, though I was scared he'd whip my ass. Everyone else just stared at him, and tried to "guess" at me and my intentions. << I love to confuse people.>> 

"Are ya'll really confused?" I asked. 

"Yes, we are. Your so strange. You seem nice and extremely playful, but you have another side to you that's bubbling beneath the surface. It's very volitile, and extremely unstable." one of the members started. I listened and smiled ear to ear. 

"Good, chaos established. My work here is done." I said with a giggle. "Seriously ya'll, life's too short to be serious all the time. The world responds better to you if you aren't such a stick in the mud. And if people think you don't have the intelligence to comprehend things, they talk freely. You'd be surprised some of the things people have said around me. I guess they thought I was dumb or something. Little do they realize its a way of hiding, in plain sight." << I can't believe I'm actually being serious.....I must be sick!>> 

Yoda smiled at me and I nearly had a heartattack! I settled down into a chair, giving them some things to think about. Evidently someone wanted their seat, because I was asked to get up. I waited until everyone sat down, then I plopped myself down on someones lap. I just grinned and got dumped in the floor. <> I just crawled back over to my stuff and laid down with my head on one of the bags. I wasn't paying much attention, but when a mission was being discused, I shot up off the floor. 

"I wanna go....PLEASE?" I begged. 

"NO!" everyone screamed at me. That hurt my feelins, so I began to cry. Of course I embelished alittle. ( It's a woman thing.) 

"I promise I'll be good....Please?" I choked out between breaths. I gave my most pathetic look and whimpered. 

"OK.....you can go. Just listen to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. And stay out of trouble." Mace said, shaking his head in exasperation. 

"Goody!" I squealed, opening my duffle and getting out my mini back pack. I started packing the bear esentials of life. I slipped it over my shoulders and straped my walkman to my side and jumped up to stand beside the unlucky couple. After all the reports and debriefing we were ready to go. I followed the two down the hall, pissed because Obi-Wans robe hindered my vision of his ass. I lifted the end of his robe and watched his ass, until he felt the draft and turned to eye me suspiciously. He yanked his robe out of my hands and I just smiled innocently. 

I was so shocked to actually see a spaceship, my jaw dropped and I stopped and stared. I had to run to catch up with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, who were boarding the ship. I followed Obi-Wan to the cockpit and watched him start the engines to take off. My eyes never left the controls and watched his every move. We got clearance and the ship took off, I pressed against the glass and watched as the city got smaller and smaller. I was so curious I ran my fingers over the controls. 

"Don't touch that!" Obi-Wan snapped at me. I could tell I was pissing him off and he didn't like me too well. 

"What does this do?" I asked and poked a series of buttons. We started to spiral and Obi-Wan struggled to regain control of the ship. 

"That is the equalibrium for the ship. Dont touch it again!" he snapped. 

I pouted and leaned back in my seat to watch the stars zip by. They were absolutly breathtaking. I felt as if I was flying. I wished my friends and family were with me to watch the stars too. I didn't even notice Qui-Gon enter. He and Obi-Wan were having a discussion, probablly about our little "misdirection" at the hands of yours truely. I was feeling homesick and I think it showed. Qui-Gon scared me out of it when he put his hand on my shoulder. I just sighed and forced alittle smile. << I think I was going through internet withdrawl. >> He told Obi-Wan to keep me occupied and left us together in the cockpit. 

I could tell I was the last person Obi-Wan wanted to entertain. But it's Ok. He isn't the first to act like that. I think maybe he could tell I was melancholy, and started to give me the layout of the controls, in detail. I listened and watched as he demonstrated some of the features. 

After he was done he asked, "Is there anything you don't understand? Or want me to repeat?" I thought he was acting kinda smug, and shook my head NO. 

When we got to our destination I was ordered to stay behind. Qui-Gon told me they would be just a few minutes and I was to stay put. ( YEAH RIGHT! Country girl like me going to stay on the ship when there is a totally different world out there? THINK AGAIN! ) I waited until they were out of view and then I ventured out of the ship. It was so awesome. I took my camera with me and snapped a few pics. ( I was an all out tourist!) I was only gone for a couple of hours, I think. When I got back to the ship there was a note. Too bad I can't read their language. Oh well. I went in and put my stuff away and went to the cockpit. I had a strange feeling, "woman's intuistion". I recalled everything that Obi-Wan had done and I started up the engines. Next thing I know, there is Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon running towards the ship! Several aliens were shooting at them, so I pointed the ships weapons at them and started firing like there's no tomorrow. The ship took off the ground and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan jumped aboard to evade the attackers. They rushed into the cockpit to see who was driving. Imagine their surprise! 

I yelled, "Sit down boys. This flights gonna suck and I don't serve peanuts!" 

I was in the pilots seat and Obi-Wan protested, but I wouldn't leave it. There were alien ships all over the place. I zig-zagged and looped, weaving the ship and manuvering it through tight passes. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were getting sick. I think I was overdoing it. I shook the last alien aircraft off and relinquished the controls to Obi-Wan in the co-pilots seat. I turned and grinned at Qui-Gon. 

"How did you do that?" Qui-Gon asked. 

"I watched Obi-Wan manuever the ship, so I copied what he did." I said, crossing my arms in front of me. 

"Obi-Wan didn't do any of THAT kind of flying." he was trying to irk me...I just knew it. 

"That was nothing." I said, giving it back. 

"Where did you learn to do that? Who trained you?" he asked, more forward this time. 

I just wiggled around in my chair and said, "It's from playing video games and I have my pilots liscense back home. Just a matter of blending them, just like Tok'ra" I giggled. 

Evidently we weren't far enough, because another ship fired on us, the blast knocking everyone off their feet. We lost our engines and were adrift. After making sure everyone was OK we discovered the ship had docked with us and we were being boarded. I waved my hands over the controls, systematically shutting down the remaining systems. Our ship was boarded by a mean man who came up to the cockpit, weapon poised for an attack from the Jedi's. The ship was silent and the lights flickered. The computer sounded we have 30 minutes before autodestrust. 

He put the weapon up to my head and demanded me to stop the autodestruct. I played dumb and shrugged my shoulders. I looked at the controls and let a dumbfounded expression creep across my face. The man turned to the Jedi's and demanded they stop the autodestruct. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon frantically pushed buttons and tried several passwords, but to no avail. The intruder started to freak out when the timer got to 30 seconds. He made a mad dash for his ship and detached us, hauling ass to avoid being blown up. I punched in MY password and the ship started back up and we resumed our course. 

"How did you do that?" Obi-Wan asked before Qui-Gon could. 

"I shut everything down and only my password would over-ride it. I just gave it the password and it started everything else on its own." I explained. 

"What was the password?" Qui-Gon asked. 

"Sock puppet." I giggled out loud. 

Both looked at me and had confusion and wonder on their faces. I explained its not something alot of people say. So it was perfect. <> Apparently our fuel was leaking from damage we had sustained during the attack. Obi-Wan made a small detour to a planet to refuel and make repairs. I was tickled to see another alien world. << Hope they don't have bugs....YICK!>> 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan worked on the ship. I was ordered to stay on board. Evidently, on the last planet, when Qui-Gon said they would be only a few minutes, he was right. They came back to the ship, and when I wasn't there, they went looking for me. They unknowningly interrupted someone's "business" and had to make a fast getaway. (That's why they were being chased!) I stayed inside looking out the window and listening to my walkman. (I'm glad I brought it along.) 

It was late evening on the planet by the time the repairs were finished. I could see a city in the distance and wanted to go explore it. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were giving the council members an update and a reason why we wouldn't be back in time. I seen the council members on the screen and I waved. A couple of them waved back, the rest looked pissed off. Qui-Gon told them we would depart the next afternoon. The city in the distance wouldn't let me forget about this strange place, and I begged for over an hour to visit. Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan to take me and he will join us later. Obi-Wan didn't like that too well. He frowned on the way there and wouldn't talk to me. I knew he didn't like babysitting me. We wondered around the city for alittle while and I was drawn to a strange building. There was loud "music" coming from it and lights flashing. I thought it was a disco...<<.what are the chances?>> I shifted my walkman around on my hip and walked in to investigate the "culture". Obi-Wan reluctantly followed. 

I walked to the dance floor and watched as several species were "dancing". (Actually it wasn't dancing, not by ANY earth standards.) I giggled at the rhythmless creatures and I spotted what I guess was the DJ. I slowly made my way through the crowd, Obi-Wan close behind. The "DJ" leaned over and asked me if I had any favorites. I grinned and handed him my walkman and my mini CD case, filled with my fav CD's. (Some of them were mixes I had made, but there were a couple of "original albums" in there.) I showed him how to change the CD and song tracks. He looked at me and grinned. He started to add wires and cables to my walkman. (I assumed they were like an adapter of some kind.) I showed him my favorites and he acknowkledged me. I lead Obi-Wan to the middle of the dance floor. << He protested but I nagged him into it. (I don't think he's used to dancing, least of all the "90's way".) >> 

"Are you a fast learner?" I shouted about the racket. He nodded and I pointed towards my feet. He watched as I danced around and gave him the basic idea of what goes on. I grabbed his arms and showed him how to move and put his hands in the right places. I took my outer shirt off and threw it to a corner, Obi-Wan's robe soon joined it. << I'm glad, didn't want to get tangled in that thing.>> I think everyone was stunned to see my spagetti strap belly shirt. <> 

I smiled so hard when I heard my familiar music begin. The first song was "Abracadabra" by Sugar Ray. I stepped closer to Obi-Wan, all my inhabitions were gone. (There is something about music.) He was more than surprised when I linked arms with him and began to sway, getting closer and closer. I was making him uncomfortable, but I didn't care. (He's wound too tight anyway). It took a couple of minutes for the "natives" to get into it. Next thing you know, everyone is jamming. I smiled at everyone enjoying themselves, including Obi-Wan who was actually keeping up with me. 

Pretty soon, Savage Garden, NSYNC, Beatles, Backstreet Boys, Whitney Houston, Pet Shop Boys, Celine Dion, Def Leppard, Frank Sinatra, and a mixture of 60's and 80's rock were echoing into the night. 

The mood switched when a slow song came on. Everyone looked around, confused and looking at me for an explaination. I leaned close to Obi-Wan and put my arms around his neck. He jumped and looked at me confused. <_> I started to sway and pretty soon, he took the lead. Didn't take him long to figure out everything, and I thought it was time to expand his horizens again. I explained where to hold on to me and I demonstrated a "dip". Everyone watched us and then they started to mimic us and then started to venture on their own and adlib. _

We had a ton of fun, just bouncing all over the place. The next song was a latin mix. (Time to expand again). << I love the latin music, it's so upclose and personal. And highly erotic!>> I grinned and began to sway seductively around, touching here and there. I love to dance, so I still had plenty of energy. Obi-Wan looked like he was about to drop, so I did most of the dancing. I was wrong! He was learning the moves, and before I knew it his arms were around my waist and we were dancing in perfect time. My heart was pounding and I could feel his pounding against his chest. I don't know if it was because of the dancing or him actually being that close to me, but my moves were becoming hot and fevered. I threw in some moves from "Dirty Dancing", forgeting I'm not that flexible. I strained my neck and back, but I wouldn't let the pain deter me. I kept on dancing and didn't let Obi-Wan know I was hurting. 

The song ended with my leg wrapped around his waist, dipped down, head thrown back, and his face just a few inches away from my skin. I could feel his heavy breathing on my clevage. <_> When the music was being changed, Qui-Gon yelled at us. Obi-Wan was surprised to see him and raised up to look at his master, dropping me on the floor. I yelled when my head hit the hard surface. Obi-Wan helped me up and we walked over to where Qui-Gon was standing. _

"It's been 5 hours. I thought something bad happened to you two." Qui-Gon started. 

"Really? It's been that long?" I couldn't believe it. 

"It's time to go. Get your things, we need rest before we take-off tomorrow." Qui-Gon said. I went to the DJ and explained I was leaving. He gave me back my CD's and walkman and thanked me for letting him use my library. I walked back to the Jedi's and grabbed my other shirt and tied it around my waist. Sweat was pouring off Obi-Wan and I. We stepped outside and the cool nite air sent chills down my back. It was refreshing and energizing. We walked and talked on the way back to the ship. 

"Obi-Wan, where did you learn to dance like that?" Qui-Gon had a gleam in his eye. 

"I taught him. I'm a good teacher. Learned from the best." I grinned. A light breeze dryed our skin, but our hair was still sweaty and clung to our faces. I told them about movies and other places I learned to dance. (I still had a ton of energy, and I think the Jedi's were surprised at me.) I giggled and skipped back to the ship. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were dragging themselves on board. I ran to the front to grab a candy bar before bed, and when I got back Obi-Wan was already sound asleep. Qui-Gon asked if I was alright and I just nodded. (Didn't want him worring about me.) I leaned over and gave Obi-Wan a kiss on the forehead and said "Thank You". Then I went to Qui-Gon and gave him a kiss and a Thank You. 

"What was that for?" he asked. 

"For letting me go, and making Obi-Wan be my escort. I had a blast tonight. I needed a release from everything and this little excursion was the perfect distraction."I smiled. He smiled back and we separated to get some long deserved sleep. I just laid in bed and listened to the night animals on the planet. I don't remember falling asleep. I woke up to Qui-Gon shaking me. Apparently I fell out of bed and was fairly tangled up in the blankets. It took me a few minutes to work my way free. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan laughed at me. I moved gingerly because of pain in my back. 

We got back to Coruscant and went directly to the council chambers. I held my back and followed the two in. I wasn't my normal "ABNORMAL" self. I think they all could tell. I would move and then yell out, grabbing my back and rubbing my spine. (I needed a chiropractor.) 

"Injured you are?" Yoda asked. I know he was just asking and not meaning anything, but I was hurting and didn't care how I was supposed to take it. 

"DUH," I said. "Obi-Wan and I got alittle wild last night and I think he threw something out. It's been awhile since I moved like that and I'm paying for it now." 

"Do you need a healer?" Mace asked. 

"I think I need a whole new body. I think this one is just about used up" I giggled, then groaned, grabbing my back. A healer was called and lead me to this strange room that smelled of insense burning. I'm not sure how long I was there, but when I left, I felt great! I returned to the council chambers and everyone could tell I was back to my old self. I was bouncing around and giggling like an idiot. 

"I see you feel better." Qui-Gon said, laughing alittle. Obi-Wan sighed and whispered,"Oh great, the hyperactive as back and ready to go." 

I grinned and looked over at him. I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed. I asked, "And how do you feel after last night? As I recall, you didn't have a clue how to dance, and I had to drag you onto the floor." 

He shook his head and said, "You called that dancing? Do people actually dance like that where your from?" 

"Yeah they do," I said sarcastically, "But unlike you, most of them have rhythmn. I'm just glad you learned what little you did so you wouldn't look like a complete idoit out there." 

I could tell that pissed him off and I burst out laughing. I gave him a big hug and pinched his cheek. He just looked at me, stunned. <_> "Ya know," I started," it just occured to me that I have no idea how to get back home. I don't know how long I can stay." I started to pout and tears started to form. (I was having too much fun to leave.) _

"You can stay as long as you want, Chic" Mace said. He smiled. <_> _

"Thank you," I said. I bowed for the first time I'd been there. I saluted, (just to be a smart ass) and I hit myself alittle too hard and knocked myself to the floor. My butt bounced and I giggled. I was told that I was always welcome and I was given a room. 

Qui-Gon showed me around the temple for a few hours. We saw the gardens, several chamber rooms, training rooms, and the library. We were running around all over the place and I soon got tired. (My short little legs can't keep up with his.) He showed me where my room was and I passed out on the sofa. 

I woke up to a cold nose poking my face and a stinky dog breathing on me. I jumped up and looked around. I was in my house again. I thought I was going to cry. I saw my luggage was gone and evidently all my stuff was back on Coruscant. <> I grinned evilly. I'll be more than happy to go back, but........ 

I wonder if the stone can bring them here? Huhmmm........ 


	2. Default Chapter Title

This is a sequel to "An Idiot In The Jedi Temple"  
  
***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references.   
  
......... denotes my thoughts.  
(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.  
  
The actual names of some of my friends has been changed to protect them.....oh who am I kidding? You'll be able to figure out whose who....(Tammy is a slut. You'll see)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George) I don't own Tommy Hilfiger, Victoria's Secret or Gadooks. There is no infringement intended, In fact, they should happy I included them in this story. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?  
  
Thanks: Thanks to all who encouraged me to continue and giving me great reviews. THANKS ALOT. :)  
  
****Read "An Idiot In the Jedi Temple" to understand what's going on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter One  
  
  
A week went by without me absolultly screaming my head off. I wanted to tell someone, but who would believe me. Especailly after all the stories I concocted. I waited until mom would be gone for another business trip and I grabbed the stone. I wished to be back at Coruscant and see everyone again. I went to bed early, believing time would pass by quicker and I would wake up there. I was wrong. (Doesn't happen very often, no matter what Mags says.)  
  
I woke up early the next morning and looked around for Jedi's staring back. No such luck. I got up and bitched awhile, finally calling Jackie back and discussing her "oh so wonderful love life". God, that's depressing The dog whined to be let out and I took my portable phone with me outside. The neighbors came out and started some chit chat and I opened the door to put the dog back in the house. The neighbor guy yelled at me and told me not to lay out this weekend, he's having workers to come and finish the roof.  
  
  
I grinned and yelled back , "Yeah right!" I took a step and ran into the doorjam, smashing my nose and cheekbones. I held my face and screamed out obsenities,until I heard a gasp. I pulled my hands from the side of my face to see the Jedi council staring at me again.  
  
"Hey ya'll. I"m back!" I screamed. I noticed I still had the phone in my hand, but there was no dial tone. I rubbed the side of my bruised face and winced at the sharp pain.  
  
"Oh no, here we go again!" Obi-Wan said. He looked at me and smiled, eventually turning into laughter.  
  
I was curious to what caused such a reaction from him, "What's so funny?"  
  
Obi-Wan stepped in front of me and traced the red welt down the side of my face. I felt a shudder and it took all my faculties to keep from screaming my perverted thoughts. I didn't even mind the pain that accompanied his touch.I'm probablly going to get a black eye  
  
I remembered why I wanted to come back, apart from the obvioushint hint, and I perked up."Do any of you want to come to my world and visit the locals?"  
  
The Jedis looked at one another, I'm guessing using the force to communicate. Some shook their heads NO...others shook their heads YES. I wobbled my head and giggled at the dizzing sensation.  
  
Yoda smiled," Decided we did on who shall go. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan will go. Joined by Masters Yareal Poof and Plo Koom."  
  
I noticed the Masters bow their heads to their names and my eyes got really big. "I don't think it's wise. The people of my world are not ready to see alien life."  
  
Windu looked at me with a frown, "Your race doesn't believe in the existance of other species?"  
  
"Oh we believe, the truth is out there, but most people don't want to admit there is other life. They are too scared and don't want to face the fact that we aren't alone." I can't believe I said that! "I recommend people who look human, though I could hide Yoda."  
  
Yoda looked at me weird, "Hide me? How you hide me?"  
  
"I have a backpack that I can strap you to. Since there is a big Star Wars craze, you'll blend in no problem!" I smiled at the thought of backpacking Yoda.  
  
"Then I will accompany Yoda, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan to your world." Windu decided.  
  
I pulled the blue stone out of my pocket and explained how it worked. They each nodded their understanding to come one at a time. The last person bringing the stone with them. I told them to give me two days to prepare for them. Thank God mom was gone for the week on the business trip! They agreed and I reached for the stone to make my wish to go home, hoping to get a headstart on housecleaning.   
  
Obi-Wan grabbed my arm, "Do you have to leave so soon? I thought I'd take you on a tour of Coruscant."  
  
How could I resist such a sexy escort? "As soon as I get back, I have to start on cleaning. I don't know when I'll leave, but I'll wish now and you can give me a tour until its time. OK?"  
  
Obi-Wan nodded and we headed for the door. I made my wish and gave the stone to Qui-Gon as I passed. He slipped it into his cloak and smiled, bowing to the masters and then following us out the door. Windu and Yoda soon followed suit to begin perparing.  
  
Obi-Wan took me to see some of the lower levels of Coruscant streets. I was surprised to look up and not be able to see the tops of the buildings. We wondered around for some time, and I got to sample all kinds of things. (I don't really like some of the food they have. It was some nasty tasting stuff...YICK!)  
  
We circled the Temple block and made our way back up to the Jedi quarters. I recited the things that Qui-Gon told me when he gave me a tour of the temple. Obi-Wan was surprised to hear how much I remembered and all the details. I told him I wanted to find my way back, so he let me lead us around. I only got lost once, but lucky for me, Obi-Wan put us back on course. I blushed so much, I swear I felt my face on fire. He just laughed at me and lead me down the the healers.  
  
The mark on my face from the doorjam had briused and blacked my eye. The healer took one look at me and started going on about how to avoid enemy strikes. I was confused, until I realized, she thought I got these marks from sparring. I stayed quiet and agreed with her tactics and allowed her to do her job. When she was finished I thanked her for her kindness and stratagy plans. She shooed me out the door and Obi-wan lead us back to my quarters. Thank God, I never would have found it!  
  
We went in to my quarters and plopped down on the couch. I closed my eyes and stretched out, thanking Obi-Wan for the tour. I felt the couch move and I thought he was making a move. GUESS AGAIN! The dog jumped me and was licking my face. Not exactly the kisses I was wanting, but I heard the front alarm go off and pounding on the door.   
  
I raced to my front door, shutting down the alarm and opening to door to see my neighbor and three police officers. They asked me if everything was ok and if I was in trouble. The neighbor explained he saw me leave in a bright flash of light and thought I was hurt. I assured them I was OK and there wasn't anything to worry about. They were a little suspicious when I refused to let them in to look around. (I still had house cleaning to do!)  
  
I spent the next 9 hours cleaning up the house and putting away all my Star Wars things. I put my Obi-Wan calendar, stand up, and poster , along with the rest of my "incriminating evidence". I laid down for a nap and fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I woke up and searched for my Jedi visitors. No one was there.  
  
I remembered I told them two days so I decided I would still have time, so I went to take a shower. Of course I done my usual singing all my fav songs, but no dancing in the shower.( I've learned my lesson!!) I stepped out of the shower to hear vioces talking amoungst themselves. I ran into my bedroom to see everyone standing there with confused looks on their faces. They seen me and I noticed their attention drift to my attire. I was still wearing a towel and I had a towel twisted up on my head like a turban.  
  
"We are sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you." Qui-Gon said, slightly inclining his head.  
  
"What are you all doing here? I said in two days." I said.  
  
"We made our wishes two days after you left, I take it not that much time has passed here?" Mace Windu said.  
  
"Actually only a day has passed, but its ok. This gives you more time here, to get in trouble and play around." I walked back into the bathroom and put on some descent clothes. (No since in scaring them with some of todays "fashions".)  
  
"We don't intend on getting into trouble."Qui-Gon said, his face was the picture perfect expression of complete control. Let's see what I can get them into.  
  
"Whatever. But I have a feeling there's a good chance there is going to be chaos, and you all will have fun. Even if it kills ya!" I put my foot down. I already had an idea of what to do, the approching summer months and store discounts factored into the equation too.  
  
"Watch your people we will. Want to know how your people function we do." Yoda spoke up.  
  
I was putting on my socks and pulling my Nike's out of their storage place while I explained my plans for them. "First we are going to the salon, and then you all are coming with me to the mall. Then we are going to the local skating place and I'm going to teach you newbies how to skate. I thought I'd take you all to the movies. A friend of mine is having a party tonite and I was invited. I can bring anyone I want and how many I want, so you four are my guests."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at me questionally, "What is a mall? Skating? Newbies? Movies? What exactly are you going to do with us?"  
  
I grinned evilly and I think they just about had a heart attack. The knew I was up to no good. (Doesn't take a psychic to figure that one out!) I glanced over their clothes and realized there was no way they would blend in anywhere. So I opened up my closet and some storage containers, shifting through clothes. Most of them from old boyfriends. I found some clothes and sorted them out and threw them at the Jedi's. They looked at me funny and realized they had to change clothes. I pointed to the bathroom and they went in, slamming the door shut. Yoda stayed with me while I rigged up a harness for him.  
  
I heard the awfulest bunch of racket and apparent swearing coming from the bathroom. Evidently they didn't like my taste. Obi-Wan was the first to come out, wearing a white "wife-beater" and a pair of baggy jeans. He looked giddy at the change and shot me a happy glance. Windu came out next, un-thrilled with his clothes. He was wearing a tye-dye tee shirt, and a pair of black denim jeans that were just alittle snug. Qui-Gon came out wearing a baby blue "Tommy Hilfiger" tee shirt, and constantly adjusted his jeans, pulling and tugging at them. I guess he doesn't like pants that fit like that.  
  
I grabbed a black beret and handed it to Windu and a gave Qui-Gon a beach comber hat. Obi-Wan looked at me suspectingly and I handed him a bandana. (He was totally clueless.) I folded it over and tied it around his head. He laughed and admired the change in my full length mirror. Qui-Gon and Windu reluctantly looked at their reflections, wincing at themselves. I rigged up the harness and Yoda walked over to let me adjust it. It slipped on easily and I picked him up, swinging him over my shoulder and looping my arms through the straps, securing him in place. He giggled a little at the "hippe/punk" Jedi's in front of him.  
  
  
I motioned for everyone to follow me to downstairs and I gave them a tour of the house. There was only one spare bedroom with two beds, the "hide-a-bed couch" and a queen size inflatable mattress. They picked their sleeping places and I giggled, knowing they aren't going to get much sleep around me. I grabbed the car keys and wallet and started out the door. They followed me down to the carport and looked at the car with funny looks. I eased Yoda onto the car seat, careful not to hit his head on anything.  
  
"OK, so it's not a new car, but it's my baby." I said. I don't like anyone to scruntize my wheels.  
  
"It doesn't hover?" Qui-Gon asked.  
  
"Nope, it has to stay on the ground, so no Jedi stuff. Don't want to attract any unwanted attention." I unlocked the rest of the doors.  
  
"I think you should pilot this vehicle." Obi-Wan said, staring at the dash board.  
  
"I was going to, unless any of you know where we're going or have a drivers license." I love sarcasm.  
  
They were dumbfounded at my remarks and got in the car. I got behind the wheel and started the engine. I forgot I always have the stereo blasting and the Jedi's jumped, going on the alert. I turned off the music and apoligized over and over. Yoda was beside me, with Windu in the passengers seat. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the back, and looked surprised when I turned, placing my arm around the passengers seat and the car moved backwards.  
  
"This is indeed a very strange place." Qui-Gon said, watching me back the car onto the road.  
  
Obi-Wan looked out the window, "I would say so master. I don't think I would be able to navigate a ship in reverse."  
  
I started laughing and put the car in gear, startling the other passengers."It only goes in reverse when I put it in gear. Who drives a car backwards?"  
  
"A car?" Yoda asked, his ear brushing against my arm.  
  
"Yes, this is a car. More precisly, its a Oldmobile Cutless Supreme." I said, heading down the road. "The first stop is the salon, which is in the next town. Then on to the mall, for some bathing suit shopping. No yelling kids, or I'll turn this car around and take you home." I joked, went over the Jedi's heads.  
  
We got to the salon and Windu put Yoda on his shoulders.I explained what a salon was and some of what goes on. The Jedi's were going to wander around and look around while I went in. The beauticinist was really quick today and I got out in 20 minutes. I left and went searching for my companions. They were at the local shop, looking at the strange things in the windows. I yelled at them and they wandered back to the car, everyone piling in.  
  
"That didn't take long." Obi-Wan said. "I don't see any differences in your features, what did you have done?"  
  
I giggled and thought about leaving them in the dark, but decided they needed to be exposed to this world. "I had a bikini wax."  
  
Qui-Gon looked confused, "A what?"  
  
"A bikini wax. They take this really hot wax and apply it heavily to your groin area, then they take a strip of material and press down on it. They wait a minute or two and they grab the corner of the material and yank as fast as they can." I explained, noticing the reaction on their faces.  
  
"THEY YANK OUT.?......" Obi-Wan pointed to his lap, but trailed off, obviously by embarasment and shock. Possibly horror, hard to tell.  
  
"Yup, thats the place. And if there is any left behind they take a pair of tweezers and pluck out the remaining ones."I said.  
  
The guys grimaced, even Yoda. I just laughed, and headed towards town and the mall. The parking lot was full, of course, and we had to park at the far end. Windu pulled Yoda onto his back and we made our way to the mall. I think their were impressed with the surroundings, but its so hard to figure out what Jedi's are thinking.  
  
I lead the way into one of the smaller shops and looked over their selection of bathing suits. Lucky for me I had 4 opinions to help me make a choise. I decided there is only one place that has the clothes that I like and made my way to "Gadzooks". I went in and automatically found several outfits that I just loved. I motioned for the Four tagalongs to sit down and wait while I changed, wanting their opinion. They agreed and I modeled each one. I don't think they are used to seeing someone reveal so much skin. I ended up with three new swim suits, and a few other outfits I couldn't live without. (Bought some shades for my visitors, though they protested.)  
  
We hit almost every store in the mall, I couldn't help but break out laughing hysterically when we walked by the "Victoria's Secret" store. Qui-Gon, playfully put his hand over Obi-Wan's eyes, and directed him away from the windows. As soon as we were passed the store, Qui-Gon removed his hand. Obi-Wan ran back and looked in the window, making Qui-Gon chase him down to retrieve his apprentice from his drooling spot in front of the panty display.   
  
Alot of people commented on the "Yoda backpack", and had a habit of petting his ears. This really pissed him off, but thankfully he remained still and let everyone believe he was a backpack. The all day cinema was open and we headed to the ticket booth, debating on what to see. Didn't know to let them see a action, comedy, family, or horror. I choose on action and bought out tickets, then hit the consessions stand. Some people stared at us, maybe unsure of my companions. They seemed entertained during the movie and liked all the junkfood I bought. They inhaled most of it! (Obi-Wan has a thing for the "snowcaps", Qui-Gon likes "gummie bears", Windu loves nachos, and Yoda likes the "reeses cups".) GO FIGURE!  
  
We ran around the second level for several hours and I could tell the Jedi's were starting to wear down. I promised one last stop, then we could hit the restraunts. That seemed to perk them up. We were heading towards the food plaza when everyone stopped and looked around suspiciously. Next thing you know, there was a skinny man running past us, clutching a woman's purse. The Jedi's closed their eyes and the man went flying across the berth of the mall, landing upside down against the wall. The mall police caught him and dragged him off, everyone was wondering what caused him to go sprawling.  
  
The Jedi's had no clue how to read the menus and what the food was. I thought about letting them try a burger with fries, but with all the hormones and preservatives they inject into cows, its like eating chemicals, not meat. I choose fries, onion rings, grilled chicken, and salads. It was a site to see everyone picking off each others plates, but everyone got to sample the "fast foods" scene.  
  
I threw all my stuff in the trunk and we made our way back to my house to drop off my stuff. I turned the radio on during the trip back to my town, putting "Enya" in the tapedeck. That did the trick for the worn out passengers, and next thing you know, they are leaning against the windows, drifting down into a easy slumber. Too bad the trip home is less than an hour. They aren't used to this kind of workout.  
  
I dropped my stuff off without disturbing the passed out occupants, and drove to the local skating arena. (I know the owner and he lets me use the floor for private lessons, as long as I take full responsibility for all accidents. So far, so good.) I woke the Jedi's up and they followed me inside the building, courious as to the purpose of this building. You should have seen the look on their faces when they seen the large floor and the ramps(for advanced skaters).  
  
I grabbed my skates and measured off everyone for skates, except Yoda. He said he's too old for such foolishness. (Remember the scene when Bambi stepped onthe ice for the first time? This was SO similar!) The Jedi's legs went sprawling out in all directions and they fought to maintain their balance. Soon they were able to stand without holding on to the wall, I told them not to cheat by using the force, and learn the old fashoined way. They didn't agree and the scene of them trying to make it to the far wall was hysterical! They would get maybe one or two steps, then fall on their butts, cushioning themselves with the force, of course. I skated around them easily, showing off what I've learned through all the years. I only let them suffer through the skating lessons for an hour and a half. They hobbled out of the arena, nursing their bruised rear ends and possibly their egos. Do Jedi's have egos?  
  
We got back home and they plopped down on the couch, easily due to their "conditions". I laughed and went to the kitchen for a snack run. I loaded a tray with a ton of snacks and when I went back to the living room, everyone was sound asleep! I guess I wore them out. I took everything back to the kitchen and grabbed extra blankets to cover them up with. I covered up my exhausted guests and turned on the stereo, with some soft music playing. (Needed to filter out all the outside noise and distractions.) I went back to the kitchen and started dinner. They're going to love the all night party tonite, they will need as much rest as possible!  
  
The Jedi's woke up to the smell of my culinary wizardery and wondered into the kitchen. I'm glad they got up when they did, we only had an hour until the party. I felt bad that they had only an hour and a half nap, but they can sleep later on tonite. IF we get back home tonite!  
  
"What smells so good?" Qui-Gon is the first to come in, sniffing the air and taking a place at the table.  
  
"Uhmm....That's smells wonderful. What is it?" Obi-Wan asked as he sat down next to Qui-Gon.  
  
"It's a baked ham, with mashed potatoes, green beans, homemade cornbread, and desert is "Mississippi Mud" brownies." I started piling all the food on table as Mace and Yoda wandered in. I had to get a booster seat for Yoda!  
  
"Your feeding us mud?" Obi-Wan asked as he passed around the food.  
  
I had to elaborate, "It's just a name, its not really mud. It's chocolate with marshmellows"  
  
"Marshmellows?" Windu perked up.  
  
"Never mind. Just eat because we leave in an hour to go to the party. Sorry you had such a short nap, but I figured you'll need all the extra sleep you can, where and when you get it." I said as I loaded my plate. I hope they don't get into anything while at the party  
  
"Wondering I am, why you want to take us to a party. Been to many parties we have. Jedi know customs for formals, royals, and other social gatherings. Why have you a worried look?" Yoda sampled some of the food, and actually liked it.  
  
"Have you ever been to a West Virginia party? Complete with "special brew" alcohol and lots of underage people pretending to be adults?" I tried to hint that most of the people won't be of legal drinking age, which is why this party was WAY out of town. ( Not to mention the guy hosting is a cops son)  
  
Windu finished off his plate and continued the conversation. "Most of the Jedi's don't drink. But those of us who do can handle it. You need not to worry young one."  
  
I gave him a weird look. He called me "Young One". Maybe he forgives me for going under his robe when we first met. I hope so. And I hope he forgot I bit him.  
  
As soon as everyone was finished eating, we started out to the party. The house where it was being held was about 20 minutes from my house. (The house is actually a farm.) When we got there, the party was already well underway. (Probably been going on for at least a couple of hours. Some people were already puking or passed out on the front porch)  
  
Obi-Wan perked up at the realization of the song that was blasting from the speakers in the windows. "Hey, I know this song. We danced to it. Remember?"  
  
I just nodded and grinned. "Oh yeah, I remember well. My back still hasn't recovered."  
  
Qui-Gon was looking around at everyone, "Where are all elders? I see only young adults here."  
  
"This is an unchaperoned party. There isn't anyone over 21, except us! Most of the people here are still in high school, but the host is the son of one of the cops, so we should be safe. Afterall, he's the one that bought all the alcohol being consumed. Except for the "special brewery" he has set up." I explained while some guy ran by us, completely naked and being chased by another guy wearing a pillow case as a cape. "I suggest you stay close to me. I don't want any of you hurt."  
  
"We can take care of ourselves." Qui-Gon said with a slight bow of his head. We'll see  
  
I seen one of my friends and automatically ran at her. We squealed and hugged for a few minutes and she asked about my companions. I notied Tammy had already moved in on Obi-Wan. The poor boy didn't stand a chance!  
  
Tammy was very drunk and hanging onto him like flypaper. She was petting his face and trying to talk sexy. Her other hand was trying to grab his ass and he was trying to be politite, but I could tell, he was in trouble. I discretly (bullshit) pulled her off of him and gave her a slight motion towards the floor. She landed on her ass and started yelling, but luckily she was so drunk she puked all over herself. Serves her right.....blasted hoochie. The nerve of that girl!  
  
Obi-Wan sighed and turned to me, "Thanks. I didn't know what to do and she wasn't responding to mind control."  
  
"That's understandable. She doesn't have a mind. And what little grey matter she does have, it's incapacitated right now." I turned Obi-Wan to follow me to meet some of my friends. ( They were too drunk themselves to know who he REALLY was).  
  
Of course the major hugger of the group is Amanda. She had to make the "Newbie" feel welcome to the states and gave him a huge hug. Obi-Wan just grinned at her. Though Mags was alittle tipsy, she was still her sarcastic self. Elizabeth was more drunk and had everyone in hysterics with her attempts at talking. Poor girl slurred her words so badly, I had to "translate" some to Obi-Wan  
  
I seen Qui-Gon, Mace Windu and Yoda over by some others. (I have NO idea who they were, but they looked to be ACTUAL drinking age.) Glad they found someone to talk to. I lead Obi-Wan to the living room, where the main speakers and makeshift dancefloor were. Alot of people would come up and introduce themselves and ask us if we wanted anything to drink. We refused of course and resumed mingling around.  
  
Notice how time flies when your having fun? I realized we has been at the party for three hours. (I guess all the talking, dancing, mingling, and laughing I kinda lost track of time.) I noticed the other three Jedi in the dining room, acting very strange. I grabbed Obi-Wan and showed him the sight I was seeing. There was Qui-Gon sitting in a chair, with a woman sitting on his lap. He was laughing and had a cup of what appeared to be punch. Mace Windu was just walking in, soaked from head to toe. Yoda was standing on the table and several people were chatting around him while he "danced" around. (My and Obi-Wan's jaws dropped.)  
  
We ran over quickly and Obi-Wan picked up Yoda and grabbed a hold of Windu's arm to lead him out. He didn't want to go and sat down on the floor, acting like a 2year old! I promised him candy and he agreed to get up and come with us to the car. Qui-Gon stood....or should I say staggered to his feet. I grabbed him and helped him out the door. I yelled at Obi-Wan that they can't get into my car in this condition. (I don't want to clean vomit out of my car.)  
  
Tom came out with a towel and handed it to me, explaining that Windu was wet because he was showing off in the hottub. I thanked Tom and wrapped Windy up in the towel.  
  
We took them down towards the field, next to a pond and the stables for the horses. Everyone plopped down on the tall grass, their heads swimming and a sick feeling in their stomachs. I heard someone hurl, not sure who because Obi-Wan and I were by ourselves and not really watching the drunk Jedi. After about half an hour, I heard someone talking and went to investigate. (WHAT A PICTURE!!)  
  
I called for Obi-Wan and asked him if he could manipulate minds of animals. He said NO. He looked at me with a questioning expression, hinting on worry. He heard his masters voice talking about a pretty cat, and adjusted his eyes to see Qui-Gon on his knees, petting the little thing. Obi-Wan looked at me and shrugged. I gulped, hoping Qui-Gon wouldn't do anything stupid. (I was wrong)  
  
Qui-Gon evidently got an overwhelming urge to puke, because he just let it fly, mainly on the "cat" in front of him. Before you know it, there was this horrible smell and everyone started to gag. Obi-  
Wan helped steady Qui-Gon and I went for Windu and Yoda, who were already recovering from the alcohol.We got to my car and Obi-Wan was going to put Qui-Gon in, when I interrupted him.  
  
"You think your putting him in my car while he stinks? THINK AGAIN!"I shouted.  
  
"What do you want to do? Leave him here? And by the way, what in the name of the sith is the smell and what kind of creature secretes that kind of odor?" Obi-Wan asked, Windu and Yoda were still feeling ill. (The smell wasn't helping either)  
  
"It's called a skunk and they spray like that to protect themselves from things that would hurt them." I started around to the other side of the car.  
  
"Well, all I can say is, Its a great defence!" Obi-Wan spun around to meet me.  
  
I started taking Qui-Gon's shirt off, when Obi-Wan grabbed my arm."Just what do you think your doing?"  
  
"I'm taking his shirt off and leaving it here. It got most of the scent on it. He's not getting in the car with it, that's for damn sure!" I was fuming at this point. I got pissed and just ripped the thing off. Unfortunatly the smell was all over my hands and all the bacterial washes I had in the car wasn't going to get rid of the smell.  
  
Obi-Wan was stunned at my actions and stood there dumbfounded. I snapped him out of it and helped him get Qui-Gon into the car. We peeled out of that place so fast, I think I left marks.  
  
When we got home, Windu and Yoda went inside and crashed. I told Obi-Wan to keep the still smelly(but not as bad) Qui-Gon out on the patio while I went and got something to clean up with. He sat Qui-Gon down in a chair and checked to see if he was still out of it. (he was)  
  
I came back out with a bucket of warm water and several large cans of tomato juice. Obi-Wan took one look at everything and put up his hands, "You have got to be kidding? Your not actually going to give him a bath out here, are you?"  
  
I smiled wickedly, "Yeah I am. This is the only stuff that gets out that smell. And there is NO way he's coming in my house smelling like that!"   
  
I dumped a can over Qui-Gon's head and grabbed for another, when Obi-Wan's hand stopped me. "I can do this. He's my master and my resposibility. I can do this, please, let me."   
  
"Just work the juice into his skin where he got sprayed and then dump the water over him. I'm going to go and see if I can find some extra clothes for him. You will be the one to change his clothes, I don't think he'd appreciate me doing it." I grinned.  
  
Obi-Wan smiled back, "No I think not. Thank you."  
  
I went inside and found some clothes for the drunk Jedi and helped Obi-Wan clean him up and get rid of that nasty smell. He changed Qui-Gon's clothes and put him to bed, then came looking for me. I was upstairs watching TV and checking email.  
  
Obi-Wan peeked his head up, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you back at that party. I guess I blamed you for their behavoir."  
  
I glanced over from the puta and smiled, "Don't worry about it. All's forgiven. I'd say they had a blast, don't you?"  
  
"I don't think "blast" is quite the term I'd use. I know they will regret this in the morning, let's hope the other Jedi's don't find out." He said as he climbed the stairs and stood beside me. He looked at the screen and watched me type. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm answering an email that my sister sent me." I explained.  
  
Obi-Wan grabbed a spare chair and pulled it up beside me, "Email?"  
  
"This computer is hooked into the world wide web. I can have my sister on the other side of the world to send me a message or picture and I'll get it in just a few seconds. Like now." I was explaining, then one of my cyber sisters came on and sent me a message.  
  
I spent the next couple of hours explaining the internet, chat rooms, URL's and adopting a cyber family. He thought it was odd to adopt someone you never met. I told him, you have met them, just not in the physical sense. (When you spend over 8 hours talking to someone in one nite, you tend to know them) He caught on pretty quick and compared it to Coruscant's interface systems.  
  
The next afternoon, I was in the kitchen making brunch when who should wake up and come in? The drunk Jedi trio! I had pills laying out for them and they each took their seats at the table. I poured them some orange juice and Qui-Gon kept smelling his skin and hair.  
  
"What is that smell?"Qui-Gon sniffed his shirt. "And how did I get in these clothes?"  
  
Windu and Yoda sniffed to and admitted they didn't have any recollection of the previous nite. I just shook my head. They were warned, but they didn't listen.  
  
"Qui-Gon, that smell is tomato juice. Obi-Wan and I gave you a bath in it last nite." I set some food on the table and everyone turned away.  
  
Qui-Gon's eyes got really big, "YOU GAVE ME A BATH?"  
  
"Relax. I didn't strip ya naked. It was the only way to get the skunk smell off of you." I had to hold back my laughter at the memory.  
  
"What smell?" All three chimed in.  
  
"Go stand on the patio. Qui-Gon's clothes are still out there and the smell will still be strong." I said, motioning towards the back door. They agreed and went out on the patio, soon returning with their hands over their faces and holding their noses.  
  
"What in the force is that smell?" Windu asked, fanning himself to help disapate the odor.  
  
"It was a skunk. That's its natural defence against predators. Qui-Gon was petting it and puked on it. It got scared and sprayed him." I told them everything, trying my best to hide my smile.  
  
Qui-Gon was about to say something, but Obi-Wan came downstairs and sat down at the table. He started eating and looked over at everyone else before asking, "How do you feel masters?"  
  
"Hit by a speeder I was" Yoda groaned and rubbed his head.  
  
"What exactly did we get a hold of?" Windu asked, noticing Qui-Gon staring at Obi-Wan suspiciously.  
  
"Well, as far as I can tell, I seen you with a cup of "punch". That was no ordinary punch. It's spiked with moonshine." I sat down beside Obi-Wan and began to eat.  
  
"What's moonshine?" Qui-Gon asked, pulling his attention away from Obi-Wan.  
  
"I told you there is a "special brew" that some people around here drink. Most liqueor is around 200 proof. West Virginia moonshine is about 300+ proof. One of my relatives had a distillerary and had it checked. The guy that checked it said it was "high octane". I laughed between bites.  
  
"Remind me to never play drinking games with anyone from your "West Virginia". Windu said, standing up and stretching out. He slightly bowed his head and excused himself to go and take another nap. Yoda soon followed him out, leaving Qui-Gon with me and Obi-Wan.  
  
"Obi-Wan, where were you?" Qui-Gon asked.  
  
"Master?" Obi-Wan was just as confused as I was.  
  
"When you came downstairs a little bit ago, you were acting like you just got up. Where were you last nite?" Qui-Gon's eyes were like daggers.  
  
I spoke up, "He was with me. I showed him how to surf the web. We watched a movie, a couple of TV shows and I taught him how to play video games. We were up almost all nite. We had a food fight too, in fact there is still popcorn all over my floor!"  
  
Obi-Wan blushed, "I'm sorry. I'll help you clean it up. Afterall, I help make the mess."  
  
I noticed Qui-Gon was swaying slightly and I told him to go back to bed. I escorted him back to bed and put extra pain killers and anti-hangover pills beside his bed. I grabbed an extra blanket and turned the AC on to circulate some air. I checked on Windu and Yoda, both were sleeping comfortably, and returned to the kitchen. I cleaned up the dishes and put the leftovers away, in case the slumbering ones would get hungry.  
  
"Wanna watch one of my favorite shows?" I asked hopfully.  
  
"What's it called?" Obi-wan asked.  
  
"Stargate. It's about travelling to other planets and fighting the Gou'ald." I explained as we headed back upstairs.  
  
"Sure, sounds great. One more thing..." Obi-Wan trailed off.  
  
I turned around to face him, "What?"  
  
"Thanks for not telling Qui-Gon everything." He grinned and started to climb the steps again.  
  
  
  
THE NEXT DAY........coming soon.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. An Idiot in the Jedi Temple Pt 3

This is a sequel to "An Idiot In The Jedi Temple"

***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references. 

......... denotes my thoughts.

(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George). There is no infringement intended. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?

****Read "An Idiot In the Jedi Temple" to understand what's going on.

Special Appearance by my friend "Beth" she made me, I swear!

All I can remember is a gruff voice saying something in the distance, and I rolled over onto my back. My voice wasn't as loud as it usually is, cause I was still half asleep, and I croaked out my words. "Obi, are you starting another fight?"

"WHAT?" A very loud, deep voice boomed.

I wasn't used to such a wake up call, and jumped, startled, and fell out of bed, flat on my face. I looked up into the very stern face of a Jedi Master, who was NON-thrilled and VERY pissed. His hands were on his hips, and his lips were pursed so tightly together, they disappeared. we're dead Did I fail to mention there was another THUMP at the same time as me crashing to the floor?

Well, evidently, Obi-Wan was passed out on the other side of the bed, it was innocent, I swear and fell off upon hearing his pissed master yell. But he rebounds faster and was standing within a few seconds of landing on the carpet. He was stammering and straightening his clothes, completely oblivious to the fact his hair was standing straight up on his head. 

"Explain! Now!" Qui-Gon commanded.

"Well master, it was.. I mean, we were just… It was…" Obi-Wan struggled to find words. he just has a thing with words, don't ya think?

"It was nothing Qui-Gon. Really. We stayed up all night and I showed Obi-Wan all about the internet and we went into a few chat rooms and there were some people that said some bad things about Jedi and he took offence and next thing you know, there is a verbal battle going on. Ok, so I tend to ramble But good news, We won! We kicked their asses and left them writhing in agony on the floor!" I got a little too carried away imagine that and got funny looks from Mace and Yoda coming into my bedroom. Obi-Wan looked like he was about to rupture a blood vessel, and was trying to quiet me down.

Qui-Gon looked skeptical and then glared over at Obi-Wan. "You started a fight in a 'chat room' over someone's opinion?"

Obi-Wan's head lowered, "Yes master."

I felt bad about Obi-Wan getting into trouble, afterall, I'm the one that took him into the chat room. "He was only defending himself, which I'm sure that you and the other masters have taught him. Did you want him to lay down and take it, or stand up for himself and for you and your 'honor'?"

"What do we have to do with this?" Mace asked, clueless as to what the scene was before he and Yoda joined us.

"Some people were badmouthing you Jedi and what you stand for. Obi-Wan tried to rationally communicate with them, but they got a little too vivid and out of control so Obi-Wan and I gave it back to them. We sent them packing for their behavior." I gave Obi-Wan a wicked grin and he flushed. "He'll probably end up with TONS of email now, most of them flaming him." 

"Email?" Yoda perked up, looking somewhat rested and not as hung over as he was.

"I set him up an email account at yahoo. He is 'jedi_peepers'…" I giggled at Obi-Wan's bright red face.

"What is 'peepers'?" Qui-Gon asked, now worried his padawan did something that I was involved with. I don't think he trusts me all that much ya think?

"Peepers are what we call the frogs in the creek, but they are also referring to eyes. I told Obi-Wan he has beautiful eyes, so I started teasing him and calling him 'Peepers'. So when we went to make an account, we finally agreed and got 'Jedi_peepers'." I explained, though I think they were confused. d'oh

"Yahoo? Explain that you will." Yoda perked up.

I sighed, "Its an internet site to play games, chat, join groups of similar interests, and to send email. Likes to crash. Loses your mail. Messes up your accounts. All in all, a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS! can I get an amen?

"Sounds like you have been busy padawan." Qui-Gon smirked.

Obi-Wan flushed, "She rarely sleeps, and has been showing me EVERYTHING about this planet. She eventually fell asleep, and I kinda dozed off myself. I don't know where she gets the energy." Obi-Wan shook his head and yawned. I think I wore him out

"Where I get the energy? Oh that's easy!" I giggled, then grabbed a chocolate bar and tossed it at Obi-Wan. He turned a little pale and groaned. "Opps, sorry. Forgot you got an upset stomach last time."

"Upset stomach?" Mace asked, still feeling the effects of his hangover, and not remembering if Obi-Wan had any alcohol or not.

"Well, I kinda rented some movies and we kinda pigged out." I started. "Obi-Wan never had anything like the junk food from Earth, so he ate everything and got a little sick."

Qui-Gon looked over at Obi-Wan amused, "You gave yourself a tummy ache little padawan?"

Obi-Wan blushed and rubbed his stomach, "More than a little. Master, have you ever tried double dutch extra fudge devils food cake with semi-sweet chocolate icing?"

"And sprinkles. And ice cream." I added, watching Obi-Wan turn a few shades of green.

Qui-Gon looked confused, "Had it? I don't even think I could pronounce it!"

"It's great. But Obi-Wan ate like 4 slices and then downed two bottles of pepsi, then ate almost the entire bag of doritos!" I put my hands on my hips and frowned. "Then he had to eat half of every candy bar I have, then we had a fight."  


"A fight?" Qui-Gon eyes narrowed down again.

"Popcorn master. Not a real fight. We just threw popcorn at each other." Obi-Wan explained, then turned to Master Windu. "Master, we seen someone who looked just like you! He was ate by a BIG fish. Then I seen someone that looked like Master Qui-Gon and he was attacked by a statue and had a house to come alive and try to kill him and his friends."

The other Jedi just looked at one another and rolled their eyes.

"Oh masters! They have technology here that will be useful to us!" Obi-Wan's face beamed. isn't he a cutie when he beams? highs or lows? oh shut up and get on with it!

I look over at him, confused. duh

"They have a device that can teleport you to one place to another in a matter of seconds. And they have a large circular doorway that can take you to another planet!" Obi-Wan explained.

I caught on and boy did I feel like a black cloud on his parade. "Obi…dear…precious. Those things weren't real. They are TV shows. Star Trek and Stargate SG1 are only shows, that stuff isn't real. waits to get beaten by other Trekkers and Gaters

Obi-Wan frowned, "But I seen it! Your TV showed all those amazing things!"

"They aren't real. They are actors pretending to be characters and all that wonderful imagery you see on there is mainly sound stages and digital pictures projected onto a blue screen." I hate to disappoint him, but he is old enough to know the truth.

"So things like those snakes and other species aren't real?"

I shake my head. "Sorry. No."

"Then I guess all those pictures of those giant fish and creatures aren't real. HUH?"

"Actually, the fish is a shark and yes, they are real. Some of things are real on those TV shows. It's a fine line to figure out what's real and what isn't." geesh! Look who I'm explaining this too!!!

Yoda sighs and hobbles over to me, "Explain all this you can at another time. A new day this is and explore we must."

"So, where are we going?" Mace asks me.

"Well, I _was_ going to take you all back to the skating arena, but I changed my mind." fancy that! Think I'll find one with keeping someday? I think not

I hear the doorbell ring and the Jedi go on the defensive. I laugh my ass off as I head downstairs to answer the door, telling the boyz to stay outta site and to keep out of trouble. 

I check out the peephole and see Beth standing there ringing the blasted bell over and over. I wait until the boyz are out view and earshot, and open the door.

"Hello Beth!"

"Hey Gurl, what ya doing?"

We hug and Beth is trying to wiggle her way into the house. something I cant have cause if she sees the boyz, she'll tell everyone!

"I'm sorry Beth, but I was just about to leave and meet some of my friends out of town for a 'bonding' time at the mall." I have to find a polite way to get rid of her.

"Oh, not a problem. I'll just drop my stuff off and hitch a ride with you." Beth says and then pushes me aside and drops her stuff on the floor. I see her suddenly jump, then turn to me with a wicked gleam in her eye. "You little devil woman! You got someone here don't you?"

"No Beth." I hardly get the words out when there is a loud _CRASH_ in the kitchen. Beth grins wickedly then sprints for the kitchen. I scream out "Whammy her!"

Beth throws open the door and stands in quiet shock. one of the rare times she IS quiet Qui-Gon steps forward and bows politely, introducing himself. I come in, terrified of what this scene could play out to.

"Boyz, you have exactly 3 seconds to whammy her into leaving and NOT remembering a thing she seen here!"

Mace hands Beth a glass of water, "Why would we do that?"

Suddenly Beth is screaming this high pitched, kill a bat, shrill noise and is trying to form coherent words. She stammers and is barely able to breath, but unfortunately she is getting enough air to her HUGE lungs and screeching so loud that I swear dogs on the other side of the world are howling.

I have my hands over my ears. "WHAMMY HER!"

Qui-Gon flinches and waves his hand in front of her eyes and she calms down some. He does it again and she is totally in his spell. He makes her forget what she has seen and Beth mindlessly goes to her car and leaves.

"Why tell him to do that?" Yoda asks.

"She is one of the BIGGEST loud mouths in the country. If she would have got on her cell phone, you would have found over half of the female population over here and drooling all over you guys."

"Please." Mace scoffs. "We don't even know others from this world. And I think 'drooling' would be a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"I don't think. Too painful." I snicker. "Well, they may not have actual drool coming from them, but they would at least stare at you for long periods of time and quite possibly try to molest you."

"You have GOT to be kidding!" Mace said in awe.

"Nope. Jedi are the 'in' thing." I laugh.

Qui-Gon's brow furrowed and he huffed, "We aren't IN anything."

"I know several people that would change that." I mumble. come on now.. admit it.. you would if you could!

Yoda started giggling, "Hot stuff you are. Babe magnet you three are."

I am laughing so hard that I'm leaning against the wall for support! Qui, Obi, and Mace are pouting, well, Obi looks confused and maybe a tad bit scared. Yoda continues his ribbing of three blushing Jedi.

Qui-Gon gets this 'don't mess with me' look and then comes to stand in front of me. "This is not funny. We are not sex objects."

I quit laughing for a bit, wipe the tears off my eyes, search for my ass that fell off during the laughing fit and stare at him. I barely come up to his shoulder, but I'm like a Chihuahua, little and feisty. His expression hasn't changed and he just glares at me. "I'm sorry Qui-Gon. You aren't sex objects, that's true."

"Thank you." Qui says and turns slightly to the others.

That left him WIDE OPEN and I took advantage. I smack him on the ass and yell, "But you are awfully cute!" Then I run like hell!

I don't get very far when Long Legs grabs a hold of me. I automatically crumple to the floor and roll myself up into a ball, all the while laughing my ass off and wondering if I'll live through the next few minutes.

Qui looks down at me all rolled up like an armadillo and holds back a laugh. "That was uncalled for young lady!"

Next thing you know I feel a hand strike across my ass cheek and I come up out of there squealing like a banshee. did I mention, I don't like to be punished? I did the first thing that comes to mind, I jumped him. We both fell end over end and I think I laughed so hard I burst a blood vessel!

Pulling away, we both ended up on our feet, squared off. I grab an oven mitt and walk over to him and swat him across the chest with it, and say in my most southern accent, "I challenge you! We duel when I feel like it!"

Qui laughs and gives me a funny look, 'When you feel like it?"

"Yes." I answer. "I'm not a morning person, so the dawn duel is out of the question and the afternoon is just too booked up with other things to do, so I guess we'll duel sometime this evening." 

Everyone is laughing and shaking their heads. "What's the weapon of choice? I hope its not food, cause my master can take us all out with his cooking." 

"Why you little….." Qui yells and chases after Obi.

"Actually, I have an idea." I grin wickedly and hear all Jedi gulp.

"You know," Mace starts. "I never been scared of anything in my life, my training doesn't allow room for things like fear. But you know, when she gets that look, I get this sense of dread and for the first time in my life, I'm scared to find out what's going on with her."

I giggle and start to make mental preparations. "Have you all ever played 'Capture the Flag'?"

Everyone shakes their heads no and I grin even broader. 

"Uh oh." I hear everyone say.

"Ok boyz. The rules are this. You may hide a 'flag' anywhere on the grounds, don't worry, I'll show you around the area first and show you boundaries. We will separate into two teams. The first person to put their 'flag' out my bedroom window, is the winner. We can take prisoners and interrogate them to tell where their flag is hidden. Nothing big guys, don't go threatening each other and hurting each other. We will have weapons on this game, but no sabers. I don't want to jump out to capture someone and get my head cut off!"

"What will be the weapons?" Mace asked, this look of fear on his face.

"Supersoakers. They will be filled once with water, and if you run out you're out of luck. You don't get anymore. So make them last. If you get soaked, you have to surrender to the one that shot you. We have all night, starting at 20:00 hours. We play until something is hanging out of my bedroom window by 08:00." boy if that doesn't leave me open for wisecracks and bad jokes

"Sounds like a good game to teach strategy and combat skills." Qui said, shaking his head. "How do we decide whose on what team?"

"Well, how about the masters against the kids?" I snicker.

"Who you calling a kid?" Obi-Wan grins back.

"Well, I'm not a padawan, technically, so I couldn't say that. Sides, I'm not exactly a kid either, well, not physically, mentally is another matter." I go off on another rambling session with myself.

Qui-Gon leans over to Obi and whispers, "Are you certain you are safe with her?"

"Yes master. Perfectly safe." Obi grins.

"I hope so. I just hope she doesn't do anything strange." 

"AHH HAAA!" I scream. "Come gentlemen, we have flags to make, schemes to plan, weapons to load and a tour to do before supper!"

"OH force help us!" Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, and Master Yoda say in unison as we head out of the kitchen.

TBC……

Who do you think will win? Who will get captured? Who will get caught cheating? Who will be caught naked?

These answers and more in the next chapter!! ;P


	4. An idiot in the Jedi Temple Pt 4

***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings

***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references. 

......... denotes my thoughts.

(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George). There is no infringement intended. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?

Special Thanks to everyone who reviewed my work and give me great feedback to fuel this fic. monster squishie hugs to all

"And this is the rose bed. Don't go in it cause of all the nasty thorns." I am just about finished with my tour of the grounds for the 'capture the flag' contest I'm having with a few Jedi. "The wood shed is there and over there is the tool shed. On the side of the wood shed is a huge climbing rose, so be careful around it."

All the Jedi that have been following me nod their understanding and we continue on our tour.

"When do we get our weapons?" Obi-Wan asked.

I raise my eyebrow in surprise. "Getting a little antsy to kick the master's butts?"

Obi-Wan looks back to the masters, then to me, "Oh yeah."

"You know, I really worry about the influence she has." Qui-Gon whispered to the others, but I overheard. "She scares me master."

I stop suddenly in my tracks, and in my best 'scream' voice ask. "Hey Qui-Gon, what's your favorite scary movie?"

"I beg your pardon?" Qui-Gon asks.

"Oh no….. RUN MASTER!" Obi-Wan shouts, just as I pick up a big stick from the kindling pile and get an evil look and start to chase Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon looks at me funny, then his eyes get wide and he takes off running. (doesn't he know that 'killers' always get their prey?) Suddenly he turns and ignites his saber and glares at me.

"Uhmm… You win!" I say, throwing down the stick, then I turn tail and run as a green blade chases me.

I squeal like a 4 yr old and run around to the side of the house, right where the water hose is hooked up. I grab it quickly and turn on the water, then cower against the side of the house, just as Qui, Obi and Mace come around.

Qui-Gon grins, "You're going to get it now!"

I fake crying, holding the nozzle under my arm, against my body. "You wouldn't hurt an unarmed person, now would you?"

Qui-Gon only takes a second to respond, "YES!"

"Fine!" I jump up, squeezing the nozzle and spraying Qui. Qui-Gon's lightsaber flickers and dies from all the water. I grin wickedly and release my hold on the water hose.

"You killed my saber." Qui-Gon looks stunned and possibly in shock. "You 'killed' my little green saber."

"Obi, If your master suffers a mental breakdown, will you be knighted, or will they find someone else to take over your training?" I ask, slowly backing away from the constantly chanting 'you killed my saber' Jedi Master.

Obi looks thoughtful, then sighs, "I doubt anyone would take me. I'm too old for a new master and not ready for my trials. I'm better off staying with Qui-Gon, even if he does have a breakdown."

"YOU KILLED MY SABER!" Qui-Gon is shaking the handle, trying to get the excess water out of it.

"We kinda established that already Qui." I say in a soft tone. don't wanna push him over the edge he is so clearly standing on

"GET HER!" Qui shouts, then lunges with the other two.

I get pinned down and tickled so hard I black out. I woke up lying on the couch, mud stuck to the side of my face, my tummy hurting, and possibly bruised ribs. geesh they tickle hard

"Welcome back." Obi-Wan beams at me.

"Shut up." I mumble, then stagger to the bathroom to wash my face.

"Not a good sport she is." Yoda adds.

After washing my face, I went back to the living room. Plopping down beside Windu I ask, "How long was I out?"

"For about half an hour." Windu answers. "I didn't think we tickled that hard."

"Actually, it wasn't that bad. You just triggered my asthma. That's why I couldn't breathe and blacked out."

"Will you be ok?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I'll be fine. I'll have plenty of energy to help Obi humiliate you three." I grin wickedly.

"So sure you are." Yoda chided. "Will be your undoing it will, yes."

"Ok, for this game, you said you have to have 'flags'." Qui-Gon started. "I take it you have some flags we can use."

"Well I have some kinds of flags, but I doubt you would want to fly them." I giggle.

"Why not?" Windu asks, his suspicion aroused.

"I have the confederate flag, and banners from hockey arenas, then I have the banners made with you all on them." I say nonchalantly. 

"Us? How did you get us on a banner?" Obi-Wan gets a nervous look.

"Remember when I was taking pictures when I visited?" They all nod they remember. "Well I had the pics developed and I had them transferred onto iron on transfer paper, then I just put them onto some material."

"You mind if we look at them?" Qui-Gon was getting a little worried.

I shrugged and motioned for everyone to follow me. I had put everything into a storage container in my closet. We all wandered up to my bedroom and I opened my closet to grab the banners. Opps… guess I forget that is where I hid my Star Wars stuff… Mainly my Obi-Wan stuff. 

All of the stuff came flooding at me, burring me within its depths. The Jedi rushed over to help me up, grabbing the stuff and looking it over quizzically. Qui-Gon grabbed the Obi stand up and hit the button that had him to say, "The force will be with you, always."

They all look over at me. I have to think quick. uh oh… I can't think..too painful! I can wing it! I wave my hand in front of them, pretending to whammy them. "You didn't see a thing!"

"A Jedi you are not." Yoda said, holding a Qui-Gon 12" doll.

I sigh, "Please don't make me tell you where I got this stuff. or how much money I have spent Just pretend you didn't see it and let it go. Please?"

They all sigh and agree, even Obi, whose playing with a plastic version of his lightsaber. I put all the stuff back into the closet and grab the container that has the flags, then shut the door.

I open it up and start pulling out the banners I had made, hockey banners and flags. The Jedi open up the banners, glancing over them. One is on baby blue material with council members, with Obi and Qui in the center. The other was steel gray with BIG pics of Obi and Qui.

"These are nice." Qui said, looking the banners over. "I think we will use the blue one, you two can use the gray. Is this acceptable?"

I nod, watching Yoda pulling on the flags to spread them to look at them. He gets tangled up in the confederate flag and topples forward, becoming more entangled in the fabric. I start laughing as he emerges, huffing and scowling. rebel Yoda… go figure!

"Ok, so now that we've figured that out, we need to hide them somewhere around the parameter and prepare for tonight." I say, shoving the container back in the closet. "We need to load our weapons and eat. We won't be able to eat anything after the game starts. And you all can't have ya sabers."

"Why not?" Qui asked, starting to pout.

"So I don't get killed?" I say with a 'preppy' attitude. "If you carry them, you will be tempted to use them, or do I need to remind you about the backyard and the water hose?"

Qui-Gon blushed. "My saber is useless right now anyways."

I gave Qui a big hug, "I am sorry about frying it out. I was just defending myself."

"Let's get going, I want hurry up and get the weapons and rules down before start." Windu said, heading downstairs.

"You need to talk to your team members about where to hide the flag. Don't tell the other team. Remember, something's gotta to be hanging out my bedroom by the end of the game to signal a winner." I explained, heading down after Master Windu.

Obi-Wan grabbed my arm and whispered, "Where are we going to hide ours?"

"Bathroom." I whispered back when the others were far enough away.

"What?"

"The refresher." I sigh.

Obi grinned. "Great idea."

"You hide it in the closet. Put it between some blankets, sheets, towels. Where ever. Make it good!" I instruct. "Be discrete."

"But how am I going to hide it in there with them watching us all the time?" Obi sighs.

"Here." I grab the flag, fold it to a smaller size and pull up Obi's shirt and pull out the waistband of his pants and shove it down. Then pull the shirt down over it and perfectly hide it.

Obi grins, "I didn't think you would do that."

"I'm fairly fearless." I give him a wicked grin and we head into the kitchen where the masters are talking amongst themselves.

The masters quickly hush up when Obi and I enter the kitchen, my guess is they are planning where to hide their flag. They all take a seat at the table while I start to work on some dinner. Everyone talks pleasantly and the masters systematically start to leave the table for a few minutes and wander around the house and Master Windu goes outside for a couple of minutes.

I give Obi a quick glance and he starts to wander around the rooms himself. I asked someone to watch the food quickly while I went to a couple of rooms, already starting the search for their flag.

When the food is done, we all sit around and discuss the rules one last time, and I clarify about 'take prisoners' and 'torture'. If someone gets shot with the supersoakers they automatically give in to the one who shot them, and submit to 'torture'. The force is NOT to be used. This is a game of skill and wits. thank god its not about intelligence, I'd be screwed!

I explained that each group will need a base, for the torture and to regroup, just in case of a surprise attack. Obi looked at me curiously and I grinned. He gulped.

I led them to 'weapons locker', which is a large plastic storage container, that's loaded with 'outside' toys. like supersoakers and other water related toys We take them inside and fill them up and I show them how they are used. They got a few practice shots in, then we refilled for the big game.

Then we separated to talk out our battle plans and strategy. I led Obi to the spare bedroom and shut the door, while the masters went to the other side of the house in the laundry room.

"Ok, this is the plan." I whisper to Obi. "I like to stay at base for the first few hours of the game, wait for brave souls to torture." I grin and Obi gets a look of fear. "Well wait in here for a few hours, then if no one shows up, we'll split up to search for their flag. Did you do any recon while walking around to divert suspicion?"

"What is recon?" Obi shrugged. "I just walked from room to room. Didn't look around some and then came back to the kitchen."

I sighed and put my head in my hands. "Oh man, do amateurs really try my patience." I felt a hand on my arm and I looked up. Obi flashed those baby blues and I temporarily lost my train of thought. go figure!

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Obi apologized.

"Its ok. Well, I can tell you what I have learned. I found that the carpet in the living room has been moved, the potted plant on the porch has been moved, someone tampered with a vase, the pillows on the bed have been switched, and the door on the medicine cabinet was slightly ajar when I went in." I tried to remember all the idiosyncrasies I noted earlier.

"Who will be the one to check them out? I don't want you to go out there alone. There could be trouble." Obi's brow creased.

"It's my house and I told everyone else the rules. They won't beat me or anything." I sigh, then look concerned over to Obi, "Will they?"

"Oh no, never! They will follow the rules you stated."

"Let's go. I don't want to take up too much time."

Obi nods and follows.

We wait in the kitchen, and are soon joined by the masters, who look a little too cocky. They are ginning and looking SOOO smug.

After having a nice chat we talked about odd things just to pass the time Qui-Gon rose and noted the time. We had 15 minutes to get ready. Everyone grabbed their weapons and nodded a good luck to each other. I turned out lights all over the house, leaving only a small nightlight on in the kitchen.

Windu looked around, "I thought that no one was to know where the other's base is?"

"They aren't" I clarify. "Obi and I will go up to my room for 15 minutes and you three can go anywhere you want. Remember, no force using!"

Obi nods bye to his master and follows me to my room. As soon as we're up there, I grab my black clothes and quickly change. I hear a gasp of shock and forgot about other room's occupant. I grin and take my clothes to the bathroom to change.

I come back out, check the time, grab a small bag, then the two of us slowly make our way downstairs. I blend in to the perfectly darkened house. We make it uneventful to the spare bedroom, and waited for any prey to come along.

I set Obi up at the doorway, while I took up position against the opposite wall, hiding my body under a small table in the hallway. I could see the hall, part of the living room, and I was just a few feet from the bathroom, where our flag was hiding. I pulled my water gun close and used the black fabric of my clothes to hide the weapon. I looked over to Obi, who made a face at me. I put my finger to my mouth to silence him and both of us lay in waiting for a victim.

After about an hour or so, we heard a slight rustle and noticed that it was centered somewhere in the living around, and coming right towards us. I saw a shadowy figure slowly make its way over towards the hallway. I made a quick motion to Obi to be prepared and crouched down lower, preparing myself for the assault.

Suddenly the figure was sneaking around the corner, making slow, silent progress towards us. I leveled my water gun and with a flick of my finger, squirted the hapless person in the chest. I heard a muffled 'Sith" and slipped out of my hiding place to apprehend the intruder.

Imagine my surprise when I herded Qui-Gon into the bedroom. oh the implications! Obi-Wan closes the door and starts to giggle at hearing Qui's protesting. I push Qui towards the bed and whisper to Obi, "Keep your eyes peeled in case the others are lurking."

He nods and positions himself at the door, watching intensely and giving me some cover while I interrogate the prisoner

Qui-Gon sits on the corner of the bed, his arms folded over his chest in a defiant posture. not to worry, I can break even the most stubborn of men maybe that's why I have a hard time keeping a boyfriend?

"Keep your voice low, and tell me where you hid your flag." I stare down the stubborn master.

"Nope. Not going to." Qui whispers.

"Fine, then you will be tortured." I say, then lean over him, my face merely inches from his, "And I can make this VERY unpleasant. Are you sure you don't want to save yourself the pain and embarrassment?"

Qui-Gon stares up at me, slightly taken aback by my actions and tone of voice.I can get downright evil sometimes. "I will not talk. And you can't cause any kind of pain, that's part of the rules."

"Depends on what you classify as pain." I retort.

I grab my bag from my room and open it up. I take out a small hair brush, and two small pony tail holders. I take out the tie holding back Qui's hair and comb through it a little. God, you have NO IDEA how wild that is! and pull his hair up into pigtails.

"I don't think so." Qui said, grabbing my arm.

"Shut up, you're being tortured!" I grin back. I finish giving him pigtails and hear Obi snickering so hard I think he's about to split something vital. I pull out a quick easy camera and snap a shot of Qui in pigtails. I then grab some makeup, and then start to apply it heavily to the protesting master. Then I snap another shot.

Obi-Wan is literally against the wall, laughing silently at the site before him. I'm standing in front of a pigtailed, blue eye shadow, bright pink cheeks, and red lipped Jedi Master.

I grin at Qui, "Told it ya was torture. Be glad I left the bra upstairs."

Qui's eyes widen and he purses his ruby red lips together. 

"Still not talking?"

Qui nods no. Fine, time to bring out the big guns!

I pull out a roll of duct tape that was in my bag and grab Qui's pants. 

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I need to see your leg." I said, yanking the pant leg up and sitting down heavily on the floor with my legs and one arm wrapped around his calf. I pull off some tape and stick it against his hairy leg. oh this is sooo wicked! I smash down extra hard, just to make sure all hairs are caught.

I yank the tape and he lets out a hellacious scream and starts shaking his leg to get me off. I hold on tight and slap another piece on his leg.

"Ok, Ok, Ok. I'll tell you where we hid it, just get off me and keep that tape off of me!" Qui-Gon said, rubbing the now growing red patch on his leg.

I yank off the other piece, hear another yelp, then grab the roll and hold menacingly in front of him, doing my best "crazy German" impersonation. "Talk now and we may let you live."

"Mace hid it on the swing outside, under the cushions." Qui-Gon sighed.

"Good boy Qui. Now stay here with Obi and DON'T CAUSE ANY TROUBLE!" I say, then give Obi a nod.

Obi opens the door and I venture out, weapon I hand. I wait a few minutes outside of the door, then slowly ease my way through the living room and towards the front door. I wait for a few minutes by the door, then realizing that all is clear, I open the door just a bit and slip myself through the narrow passageway and sit for several minutes, waiting and listening.

Hearing nothing I crawl on my hands and knees over to the swing and slip my hand under the cushion and find… absolutely nothing! The Jedi master lied! I grit my teeth, holding back a barrage of obscenities and then think of other ways to torture him. I'm not only after the location of the flag, but now I'm out for blood!

Suddenly I feel a spurt of cold water running down the back of my neck. I turn and see Yoda with a grin and his hand waving for me to follow him. I sigh, holding up my hands in defeat and follow his instructions.

I lead the way to the back of the house, turn the corner, and burst out laughing. Master Windu is peeing in my bushes! He hears my laughing and turns around with that most adorable look of fear, mixed with embarrassment you'd ever see on a man! He quickly zips up, then makes a yelping noise, nearly doubles over, then resumes his inferior posture.

I'm laughing so hard, I think I'm going to pee myself! I stutter out, "You pissed on my mom's azalea bush! What are you doing? Marking your territory?"

Mace frowns, then his beady little eyes narrow down at me. "You didn't say anything about breaks for the refresher. I didn't want to get caught and tortured, just so I could relieve myself."

"You could have yelled, 'bathroom break' and have safe passages to the bathroom. You didn't need to expose yourself to the plants." I snicker, tears streaming down my face. "And what was the muffled cry for?"

Mace sighs, then looks nervous, "Who ever designed these clothes should be made to wear them! That 'zipper' thing is very painful you know!"

"OH… MY… GOD……" I am literally on the floor laughing so hard I bet I'm turning red. "You….. you…. Caught……. You caught…..in the….. zipper….."

"Are you laughing at my pain?" Windu asks.

"Nope. I'm laughing at your inability to close your fly without doing bodily harm to yourself." 

"Enough this is." Yoda says, tapping his stick on the patio. "Missing Qui-Gon is."

"He's not missing. We have him at our base." I grin.

"Tortured him, did you?" Yoda poked me.

I shrug, "Depends on what you classify as torture. I put make-up on him and put his hair in pigtails."

Mace snickers, "I would love to see that."

I grin evilly, 'You will. I took pictures."

"Enough of this. Tell us you will, where you hid your flag."

Like I'm going to give in that easy. "Sticks and stones. Loose lips I don't have."

Yoda looked over to Windu, "Speaking in riddles she is!" look whose talking!

Mace nods and grins at Yoda, "Shall we torture her now?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm stronger than anything you two can come up with. BRING IT ON FLYBOYS!"

Mace and Yoda exchange amused looks, then Mace clears his throat and grabs a small headset and slips it over my head and settles it on my ears. All of a sudden I hear the most disgusting, scariest, horrifying noise the universe has ever cursed the mortal world.

Britney Spears. sorry to all her fans out there, I just personally cant stand her

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I scream and squirm to get away. I rip the earphones off and look menacingly at the two Jedi. "Oh.. that was SOOO low!" 

We hear someone laughing and turn to see Qui-Gon standing at the side of the house. He comes over and leans over me. "Don't like your torture huh? I think you deserve a lot worse than this for putting on all that girly stuff and pulling out the hairs on my legs."

Mace looked at Qui with a big grin, "What was that? The hairs on your legs?"

Qui shot Mace a 'shut up' glare and then turned back to me. "I have a few ideas to make you talk. Oh and I just wanted you to know that Obi-Wan already told me where your flag was and its now hanging out your window." He smirked.

"No he didn't! He wouldn't betray me like that!" I yell, then notice movement inside the house. I thrash around as Windu tries to hold me still. "If he did tell you and you did have it out my window, then you would have told your team members about it and the game would be over."

"How do you know that it isn't out there and I'm just going to get revenge for the hair pulling and girly stuff?" Qui-Gon asked.

I see Obi peek out of the window and motion that he's looking, so I struggle to give him time. "Because Jedi don't do such things. Or are you dark-siding?"

Yoda perked his ears and looked over at Qui, "Revenge are you seeking?"

"No master, I was just kidding."

"AHHH HAAAA!! So you lied!" I yell.

"Jedi do not lie." Qui-Gon said, his eyes drawing down.

I cross my arms, "But you told me that Obi told you where we hid our flag and that you already had it hanging out my window. I call that lying."

"Right she is. If told you Obi-Wan did not, and not found it, then lied you did." Yoda reprimanded.

Qui-Gon stuttered, "I was trying to get her to let down her guard to give us any information that could help us."

"It was still lying." I said. "What is the punishment the give Obi when he lies?"

"He doesn't lie. Its against the code." Qui corrected.

I roll my eyes, "Oh please. You just lied and YOU are trying to get out of a punishment."

"Punished he will be, first, give us location of your flag you will." Yoda instructed.

I saw Obi looking out the window again, his arms up in a signal of defeat. I sigh and look at Yoda, "It's in the cellar."

Qui-Gon leans over me, staring me up and down, "I think she's lying."

"Well, I had such a good role model." I glare back at Qui.

Qui-Gon huffs and stalks off. I think I ruffled his feathers Windy leans over me, trying to be as imposing as Qui. I'm barely over 5'….EVERYTHING is imposing to me! Windy sizes me up, narrowing his eyes down at me. 

I yawn, and start a chain reaction that gets my captors to yawn to. I giggle, knowing that I can go on and on for hours without sleep, but the Jedi aren't used to being up like this. I yawn again, sending another session through the surrounding captors.

"STOP THAT!" Windu yells at me.

"Why? Getting sleepy? Can't you just feel your eyes drooping? And how your body just groans at every move? And you can just 'feel' that soft bed on your back, and the warm blankets protectively covering you, keeping you all snug and cozy in the nice warm bed?" I notice the more I talk about sleeping, the more their eyes start to close and their shoulders slump.

I take a few steps back, slowly inching my way away from the captors and break into a dead run when all three have their eyes closed. I can hear at least one person pursuing me, their heavy footsteps thumping on the ground behind me, closing in.

Suddenly I'm no longer on the ground. I look around, confused and startled as to why I am now able to fly. I peek over my shoulder and see Qui-Gon catching up to me, with Yoda and Windy still back on the patio a good distance away.

Qui-Gon grabs my arm as I dangle in midair. "Gotcha!"

I make a face at him, knowing that someone had cheated, it was just a matter of finding out WHO the culprit was, and making them pay. 

I hear Yoda shout, "Run you should have not. Catch you we can."

"YOU LITTLE GREEN CHEATER." I scream back. "THAT WAS AGAINST THE RULES!! AND YOU REPREMANDED QUI FOR LYING…. AND HERE YOU PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS!"

Qui-Gon has me by the arm as I get lowered to the ground. I glare at him, "I thought Jedi were supposed to be all honorable and chivalrous. Boy was I wrong!"

"We are." Qui-Gon smirked. "We just don't like to lose."

Suddenly, there was a splashing at Qui's chest and Obi stepped out from behind the corner of the house. "Let her go master."

"And what if I don't?" Qui asked.

Obi shot him again, right between the eyes. "You are breaking the rules. You aren't playing fairly and that kind of behavior is unacceptable."

Qui's arm flies up, holding his watergun at Obi and the two exchange water as Windy and Yoda make their way to us. I start firing at them, completely soaking the two masters. Yoda slips and falls on his butt and starts muttering something I guess was a curse.

Everyone is doused head to toe in water, dripping and muttering obscenities from all over the galaxy and still shooting at each other. When everyone's guns were empty, we all just stared at one another for a few minutes, completely at a loss on what to do next.

"Now what?" Mace asked.

"I have no idea." I shrug. "We never had a shoot out before. We can't reload guns, we'll just soak each other again and I'm not liking this soggy feeling in my shoes."

Everyone nods and squishes their boots.

"Regroup?" Obi offers. "Give everyone a chance to dry off and then make a new battle plan?"

"Ok, everyone gets to dry off, then let's just start to search for each others flag. No more hostages, since you all don't play fair any ways, and whoever finds the other teams flag and hangs it out my window is the winner." I try to formulate a new attack plan. Never had to do this before, everyone else I play with, plays by the rules. blasted Jedi cheat like a bunch of 'old west hustlers'

"Sounds good. We just look around and don't attack each other." Qui-Gon nods in approval. 

"Just one thing guys," I start. "Please don't trash my house. If you move something, please put it back where you found it."

"Agreed." The four say, heading into the house to dry off.

"WAIT!" I shout, remembering that our flag is in the towels. I make up something to prevent them from finding it. "I don't want wet tracks all over my house. Wait here and I'll go get the towels. If my mom sees the mess, she'll kill me!"

Everyone nods and takes a seat on the porch as I go into the house and collect some big beach towels to dry everyone off with. I see the flag in between a couple of towels and I quickly open up a fitted sheet and hide it deep in the many folds. The only way they would find it, is if someone would open up the sheet and shook it.

I take the towels out to the guests, helping get off the excess water and to get them as dry as possible. I make everyone leave their boots on the porch and we go into the house to regroup.

I take the wet towels and throw them in the laundry room and meet up with everyone in the kitchen, next to the nightlight. Yoda, Qui, and Windy had changed their soaked clothes in for some dry Jedi attire. I threw Obi a dry shirt and waited until he changed.

"Ok, everyone search for the opposing teams flag and when you find it, yell to you team members and try to make it upstairs to put it out my window." I explained.

"Well start in the laundry room." Windu said, heading off with the other two Jedi Masters.

"We'll hit the living room." I said, grabbing Obi's collar and leading him away from the others.

Obi and I looked in vases, under furniture, pillows, cushions, carpets, behind pictures. After thoroughly tossing the living room, we went for the bedroom and bathroom, making it look like we searched everywhere. 

I whispered to Obi, "I have no clue where they hid it. Can you use the force to find it?"

"Isn't that cheating?" Obi asked, smirking. 

"Like they didn't?" I huffed, running a hand through my hair. "They cheated, so why can't we?"

"Because it's wrong and we won't stoop to that level." Obi said, grabbing my arm and leading me back into the living room, where three Jedi masters were searching all over for our flag.

Obi led me to the laundry room and began to go through all the clothes and search around the washer and dryer. We checked all the racks, hanging clothes, even inside the machines! NOTHING!

We checked out the cellar, though it gave me the creeps. its cold in there

I grabbed Obi's sleeve and gave it a yank. "You don't think they hid it outside, do you?"

"They could have hid it anywhere!" Obi said exasperated. 

"I still think you should use the force." I sighed.

Obi frowned, "I don't want to win by cheating. I would feel bad."

him? feel bad? wouldn't you like to know what he 'feels' like? I hide back what I was thinking and say, "Well, you will feel even worse when Qui gloats about how they won. He cheated, and aren't you supposed to 'learn from the masta'?"

Obi grins, "Oh yeah! Ok, I'll see if I can sense anything."

I watched him close his eyes, I guess reaching out with the force to see if he can detect where the masters hid their flag. After a couple of minutes, he opens one eye and looks at me, then grins.

"Well? Don't leave me hanging!" I grab his shoulders and start to shake him.

Obi pulls away from my grip and shrugs, "I couldn't sense anything. The force is everywhere, I can't center on anything."

I pout, then get an idea. "How about where the force ISNT? Check to see if there is somewhere that you can't sense the force. Maybe they anticipated this and used a kind of shield."

Obi sighed and closed his eyes again. I see the first rays of sunlight coming over the hill and realize we have just over an hour left. I tap my foot nervously and glance around to make sure the others aren't watching us or have made any progress themselves. I start biting my lip and worry that we're going to lose. 

Obi-Wan opens his eyes and stares at me. "Would you stop worrying?! You are making me nervous. Just relax, we'll win and then WE can rub everyone else's face in our victory."

"You found it?"

"Not exactly." Obi bites his lip then looks away. "I noticed that there is no force perception in the kitchen."

"I'll take it!" I snap and run to the kitchen to begin my search. Something suddenly dawns on me and turn to look at Obi, "Why are you biting your lip like you're worried? What are you leaving out?"

"My master can read my mind and know where we hid our flag. I'm worried that he will use our bond against me, us, and we'll lose." Obi sighed.

"He wouldn't sneak that low, would he?" I ask, starting to search the cabinets.

"He's already cheated. I wouldn't put it past him. He's a very fierce competitor." Obi said, going through the fridge.

Obi's head jerked up, "HE'S DOING IT!"

"What?"

"HE'S READING MY MIND!"

"Block him!"

"Too late! He knows where I hid it!" Obi looks at me with a sad, terrified expression.

"DAMN! KEEP LOOKING. IF THEY TRY TO PASS, TACKLE EM!" I say, slamming cabinets.

After going through ever cabinet, drawer, appliance in the kitchen we stand dumbfounded as to where the masters hid their flag.

"I'm sorry." Obi whispers, putting his head down.

"We still have some time though. I put the flag somewhere else while I was getting the towels." I say, waving my hand around.

"You did?" Obi's head shot up and he smiled broadly.

I start to piece together everything that had happened while the masters where in the house. They all seemed to go around the same places, move things around, try to throw us off. But what one place did they keep coming back too and would give each other knowing stares? What part of this puzzle did we overlook? 

Then it hits me. THE TABLE! I get on my hands and knees and peek under the table and see a pretty blue flag stare right back at me. I grab it, and hear 'AH HA!' from the bathroom. 

The masters found our flag!!!

"Cover me!" I yell at Obi as I start to head up to my room. I suddenly feel myself being lifted up off the ground and suspend in midair.

Windy and Qui come running in, Qui carrying Obi's and mine flag. Obi jumps in front of his master, knocking both to the ground. I break free from my force restraints and start back towards my steps.

Qui hands Windu the flag and Mace starts up after me. I take the steps two at a time, huffing and puffing, praying my asthma doesn't kick in. Mace's hand wraps around my ankle and I fall to the ground with a loud THUD.

He scrambles over me, crushing me with his weight and heads for my window. I grab his ankle and make him topple to the floor and try to climb over him. Qui grabs my foot, pulling to keep me back. I slip out of my shoe and slide over Windu's back.

Qui and Obi are wrestling on the steps, Yoda is levitating himself over the struggling two, and Windu is hot on my heels. Mace suddenly stops and begins to twist and contort around. I glance over to see Obi sitting on Qui's back, focusing on Windy to give me ample time to put the masters' flag out the window.

Yoda had levitated over to me during the confusion and grabbed for the flag in my hand. I yanked it away, just as Yoda reached over for the flag in Windu's hand. Yoda tried to hold me back with the force as he came to my side as I was opening up the window.

Both of our hands went out the window at the same time, and both flags went flying in the strong breeze that swept by. Bringing in our now empty hands, Yoda and I exchanged looks, then I grabbed him and put him on the windowsill and closed the window.

"WE WIN!" I shout.

"I DON'T THINK SO!" Qui shouted, knocking Obi off from his perch on the masters back.

Obi threw his hands in the air victoriously, "WE WON! WE BEAT THE MASTERS!"

Windu stood up, his eyes drawn down in a pissed off expression. "How did you win? You put Master Yoda outside!"

"I said that something has to be hanging out my window for a winner to be declared. And since I couldn't use YOUR flag, I used one of YOUR team members." I grinned, then turned to the window.

Yoda was struggling to stay on the ledge and shouted through the glass, "Funny this is not. Allow me back in you will!"

I open the window and help Yoda back inside.

"Dirty that was. Cheated you did. Want a rematch we do." Yoda said, then gave me a wack to the shin.

"We didn't cheat. YOU THREE DID! Obi and I won fair and square!" I said, rubbing my leg and staring down the three sore losers.

"Not part of the winning I was." Yoda huffed.

"No you weren't. You are part of the LOSERS." I snickered, then went over to congratulate my partner.

"I still think you two cheated and Yoda is right. We DO want a rematch. This time, WE chose the layout and make the rules." Qui said, grabbing my arm to emphasize his point.

I pull away and shake my head. "If you want to humiliate yourselves again, be my guest."

I walked over to Obi and held my hand high in the air. "Give me 5!"

"What?" Obi asks, confused.

I grab his hand and slap my palm with it, then turn over his hand and do the same. "This is giving someone 5. You do it as a celebration, congratulation thing."

Obi looks thoughtful, then nods his understanding. I laugh and give him a big hug, all the time squealing, "We kicked some major master booty."

Obi laughs along with me as the three masters huff and cross their arms, sour expression on their faces. Suddenly I hear a "I'm home!" from downstairs.

"Whose that?" Qui asks, looking over his shoulder towards my stairs.

I let go of Obi, my eyes get wide in horror and I whisper, "My mother!"

TBC…….. I PROMISE!


	5. Chapter 5... I think

"Hey Mom

"Hey Mom!" I yell, hoping that she won't inquire about all the noise and thumping going on.

"What's that noise?" Mom yelled up. "Did you have party?"

damn.. there goes that wish! "No I didn't. I just had a couple friends over. We were just about to crash."

"You all left a mess down here and no one is sleeping until its cleaned up! DO YOU ALL UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes Ma'am" The Jedi yelled back.

"We'll clean up. I promise." I add.

"Please tell me that I'm just tired and I just didn't hear several men call down from my daughters bedroom." Mom said sighing. "Who all is up there?"

"I can't lie to her!" I looked at the Jedi and whispered. 

I yelled back at mom, "Just some Jedi. Not to worry, I have been in good hands and well taken care of. I'm not hurt or tied to the bed and had weird sexual acts performed with socks, or funky things like that."

I heard footsteps up the stairs and soon, my mom emerged from the staircase. Her eyes stared at each of my guests, then she focused on me. "Well, Jedi or not, if you all don't clean up your mess, YOU'LL ANSWER TO ME!"

"Understand we do. Will clean soon, yes." Yoda said, shuffling over to mom.

Mom glanced down at him and rubbed her temples, "God I need to sleep off this jet lag! I could have sworn a puppet was talking to me!"

The Jedi look over to me, remembering I made the same slip. I shrugged and grinned at them.

Mom sighed and started down the stairs, yelling back over her shoulders. "Clean quietly. I'm exhausted and I'm gonna crash. If anyone wakes me up, I'll kill em!"

"We understand. Good nite mom." I yell back. 

When mom had retreated downstairs, Qui-Gon turned to me. "Is she serious? Will she kill someone for waking her up?"

"OH yeah." I shake my head in affirmation. "Ok, now what do you all want to play?"

"Play?" Windy gasped. His eyes were as big as saucers, and his mouth was pursed tightly.

"Yeah?"

"We've been up all night! What makes you think that we would want to play something else?" Windy was nearly shouting.

Yoda hobbled over to me, "Sleep we must. Exhausted we are. Do not possess abundant energy like you. Will clean up the mess we will, then sleep. Quiet we will be. Yes" Yoda started towards the stairs. "Sleep we need."

I pouted and followed them one by one down the stairs.

Obi-Wan followed his master down and sighed, "Told you that she rarely sleeps. You can just imagine how she wore me out with all that running around and constant motion."

Qui-Gon perked his brow and grinned, "Oh, to be young again."

"Young? Young my ass." Obi-Wan snorted. "Hyperactive is the word I'd choose to describe it!"

Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan with a quizzical glance. "I can see her speech patterns have already imprinted on you. Just don't pick up anymore bad habits."

"Like what master?" Obi-Wan blushed slightly.

"You smack my butt and I'll kill you." Qui-Gon grinned.

"You'd kill me huh?" Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "Sounds like I'm not the only one with a 'speech imprint'."

We all separated up and began to clean up our messes. Furniture was returned, clothes and linens neatly refolded, and the waterguns were returned to the bin outside. Lucky for us, we were silent and didn't make any noise to wake mom up. we're still alive! Yeah!

It took about an hour to get the house back into decent shape. We all met in the kitchen and I started to make a light breakfast. Everyone was just about dead in the tracks and ate a few bites, then dragged their carcasses off to bed. I cleaned up the dishes then went upstairs to get a nap in. 

After a few hours, I awoke, ready to start anew with my Jedi playmates. wonder what else we could get into? oh how the mischievous mind works!

I change and head downstairs. I peek in and see everyone still passed out. Obi-Wan is halfway off the bed, his hand precariously close to knocking over a small nightstand. I sneak in and push it back slightly, doing my best to not make any noise.

As I leave, I notice Qui-Gon's lightsaber lying on the other nightstand. I remember that I fried it out with the water hose. I felt bad about that incident, so I decided that I should get it fixed. I picked it up and took upstairs to begin some repairs.

After taking the saber apart, and drying off the mechanisms with a towel, there were a few places I couldn't reach, so I took the blow dryer and dried the troublesome places. I put the pieces back together and looked at the ones left over. ever finish a project there are a handful of really useful looking parts left over?

A shuffling interrupted my pondering over the pieces and I looked up to see Yoda coming towards me. He hopped up onto the small chair beside my desk and gasped when he seen what I was working on.

"Know how to make a saber you do?" He asked.

"No. This is Qui's. I dried it out and now I'm trying to put it back together." I answer, hoping he didn't see the extra piece I hid under a pile of papers.

"A Jedi is never without their weapon. Return it you will before alarmed Qui-Gon becomes."

I look over at the troll, pissed off cause I got the impression he thought I was going to steal it! "Look, I was just trying to help him by drying it out and making it work again. I wasn't gonna keep it!"

"Meant to accuse I did not. Only wanted to warn you. Upset Qui-Gon will be if missing his weapon is." Yoda placed his clawed hand on mine.

Yoda's hands feel funky, let me tell ya! All gnarly, cold, and those claws…. "I will return it. He knows its in safe hands."

Yoda rolls his eyes, "Safe around you it is not. Safe _we_ are not." 

I frown and look over to see Yoda smiling at me. "Are you saying I'm dangerous?"

Yoda winks, "Dangerous, no. Sometimes careless, yes."

I throw my hands in the air, "Well, I KNEW that!" I look over at the little muppet and grin, "Do you want to watch some TV while I take Qui's saber and put it back?"

"TV? Know of this I do not." 

I grin wickedly and grab the remote and switch channels around, showing Yoda how to manipulate the contraption. He nods and smiles, grabbing the remote and starting to surf the channels.

I head back downstairs to put Qui-Gon's saber back at his bedside, hoping that little piece I left behind isn't important. if it is, I'm a dead woman!

When I get down to the spare bedroom, I hear mumbling and the rasp of papers and other things being moved around. I peck on the door and hear a muffled 'What?' while I open up the door a crack.

Qui-Gon is standing by the nightstand, scratching himself, yawning, and moving everything around on the table. He turns, sees me, jumps, and quickly puts his hands behind his back. "I'm sorry, I thought you were Master Yoda."

I grin, "Everyone confuses us. I think it's the hair."

Qui-Gon chuckles softly then spies his lightsaber in my hand, "So you are the one that took it." 

I put the saber in his outstretched hand, "I felt bad about frying it out and all, so I dried it out."

I stood beside him and watched as he moved the handle around, examining it thoroughly. Qui-Gon held the saber out from himself a little ways, then hit the power switch. Instead of a long blade, the saber hissed out in a wide berth, singing me and Qui-Gons arms. Both of us gasped, Qui-Gon dropped the saber as pain shot up his arm from the scorched skin along his arm. The saber deactivated and lay on the floor.

Obi-Wan jumped upon hearing the saber ignite and then the painful growls of his master and me. He glanced at the two of us, confused, "What's going on? Master! You're hurt!"

I look over at him mockingly, "I'm just peachy, don't mind me over here bleeding." I hold onto my forearm, the pain so bad I can't touch the actual wound.

Master Windu comes in and scans the two of us. "You better get to the healers. Those burns look nasty."

"We don't have healers, we have doctors." I correct as Mace checks over my burned forearm.

"It's the same thing." Obi-Wan says with a sigh while trying to assess the damage to Qui-Gon's arm.

"No its not. Your healers will try to save people and do everything in their power to prevent suffering. The doctors here only care if you have insurance. No insurance. Last priority." I grind out as pain shoots up my arm. this shit hurts, let me tell ya!

"You two still need medical attention. Now, where do you go to get help?" Obi-Wan asks.

"To the hospital. Someone write a note telling mom where we're going and then tell Yoda. He's in my room watching TV." I say, leading the way out the door.

"I'll do it." Obi-Wan offers, scribbling something down on a notepad, then running upstairs to inform Yoda what happened.

"I'll drive." Windy offers, grabbing my keys. "Don't worry. I seen how you operated the vehicle and I know that I can pilot the craft with efficiency."

I groan, knowing that he's right. And if I wake mom up, a burned arm will be the last of my worries. Then after she's done disposing of my body, she'd go after my guests, and that wouldn't go very well with George or the story line he already wrote. course its better than qui dying in ep1.. that was just wrong takes a few minutes to cry

Obi-Wan comes back down just as I get over my stroll down memory lane. "Master Yoda said you did it again. What does that mean?"

I shrug, "Beats me. Probably means I was careless again, but it wasn't me this time. It was Qui."

Qui-Gon looks over at me, cradling his arm, "I have ignited my saber for years, I don't understand why it did that."

I grin sheepishly, "Maybe that little piece that I didn't put in earlier has something to do with it."

Qui-Gon takes a deep breathmy guess, he's focusing the force to NOT kill me "We will discuss this later. Right now we need medical attention."

Windy helps us to the car and surprisingly enough, drives the car very well. He sucks at taking directions though, and nearly got us killed going up the wrong end of a one way street!!

We finally make it to the hospital ER, a few more white hairs on our heads from the fright, but nonetheless, we're alive. don't EVER let Master Windu drive!

The ER nurse sees Qui and me, shakes her head and shows us to those nasty little white beds. reminds me of a sanitarium and we WONT get into that subject She goes to pull that annoying see-through white partition curtain and I interrupt her. 

"Its ok Miss. We got burned together, we'll get treated together."

The nurse rolls her eyes and agrees, looks over our burns, then tells us the doctor will be right with us. YEAH RIGHT! My arm throbs and I can imagine Qui-Gon's does as well. He doesn't show he's in pain, just sits there with a slight scowl. Obi-Wan stays at his side, Windu at mine.

Windy is tapping his foot after half an hour goes by, "What is taking that healer so long? They should have been here by now!"

I sigh, holding my arm over my head to help alleviate the pain, "They should be coming around in another hour or so." I mock.

"An hour? We'll see about that!" Mace goes to the nurses' station and has a quick chat with a mean looking nurse. He comes back, sits down, sighs, and begins to tap his foot again.

"I take it that the doc is going to be a bit longer?" I ask the impatient Jedi.

Windy just crosses his arms and scowls. We hear a few other patients come in at the same time, the nurse's bark out orders and do their best to keep everyone calm and get them situated to a bed. One nurse tells a small boy that everything will be fine and he needs to relax. Another one tells some man that the doctor will be with him shortly. Me and the three Jedi scoff loudly, Windu starts to sarcastically chuckle.

The nurse comes around to us and glares at us. I stare right back and hold out my arm, "Do I get medical care today, or do I have to wait to see if infection sets in and it ferments?"

Obi-Wan cracked a smile and looked over to see his master grinning too.

The nurse looked at my arm, then at Qui-Gon's, "The burn doesn't look that bad. I guess I can wrap it and send you home."

"Awww would you really?" I sarcastically quip. "Are you sure we shouldn't wait to see the doctor? I mean, we have been here an hour now. We've waited this long, course I may have grandchildren by the time he gets around to seeing us." I look over at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan grinning, "Oh, what's a girl to do when she's surrounded by such stud muffins?"

The nurse draws down her beady little eyes at me and grinds her teeth together, pulling the curtain and separating me from Qui and Obi.

I look at Windu and wink, then say loud enough for our obnoxious nurse to hear, "Gee… a little private room to ourselves. This is nice."

The nurse pulls back the curtain, glaring at me, behind her, Obi-Wan is burying his face against his master to keep from laughing. Qui-Gon's lips are pursed together, fighting a smile of his own. "Keep this up, and you will be thrown out of this hospital! This curtain is to protect you." Then she slides that annoying curtain shut, blocking out me and Windy's view of the other two Jedi.

I shrug at Windu and yell, "Some protection that curtain offers! I'm not safe with it! I'll still have grandchildren! I mean, come on lady, you know what good of swimmers those suckers are!"

The nurse yanks the curtain back, glowering at me, "The doctor is on his way! Keep quiet to not disturb our other patients!" Then she storms off.

I look over at Qui and Obi and see them with red faces. don't know if its from lack of oxygen or embarrassment I sigh, wanting to kick myself to getting us into this situation in the first place.

As if knowing my melancholy, Qui says, "Its ok. It was just an accident. You didn't intend this to happen."

"Oh gods, I can just imagine what she COULD do if she wanted to!" Obi exclaimed in an over-exaggerated way.

I grin wickedly, "I'd scare you with what I could come up with."

"I'm surprised you haven't killed anyone!" Qui-Gon jokes.

"You'd be amazed what the human body can live through." I quirk my eyebrows in a cheeky way.

Everyone laughs, but our jocularity is interrupted by that small little boy, whining and crying. We can hear his mom telling him to settle down and that he is a brave little boy. I perk up, concentrating on what she's saying and what the nurse is consoling him over.

Its all I can do to hold back my laughter, and the Jedi look at me with confused expressions. They know the boy is crying in pain, they just don't know WHATS causing that pain. 

I burst out giggling, then explain, "That idiot shoved a rubber wheel off of a 'hot wheels' car up his nose and got it stuck!"

Everyone looks at me, shaking their heads in disgust and muttering 'unbelievable'. 

"You know," I start up. "Its scary to think that idiots like that reproduce. Can you imagine how intelligent their kids will be?" I sit there, shocked and dumbfounded at the stupidity of the world.

"Now, now." Mace says, patting my good arm, "Everyone has the right to have children."

It was a dumb stroke of luck cause at that exact moment, we heard the doctor talking to another patient. The patient was a male and explained that he was out hunting 3 days ago, accidentally shot himself in the foot, and now his foot was swelled 10 times its normal size and slightly green, and it just occurred to him this morning to come into the hospital.

Windu shook his head, "Then again, some people just need to be sterilized!"

I shake my head in agreement, Obi and Qui do the same.

We hear that 'wheeled nose' boy squall that he wants the doctor NOW and starts throwing a temper tantrum. Qui-Gon leans against Obi, my guess he's thanking the force that Obi didn't do that, or maybe he's happy cause he missed those wonderful years.

The nurse goes to calm the boy down, and we hear the doc approach the next patient beside us. we're next! We overhear that the patient, female this time, had a headache and wanted some drugs. Evidently she was a regular cause we hear him call her by her first name and tell her that she knows the rules and that she isn't getting anymore medications. She starts screaming and next thing you know, there is equipment being hurled around the ER.

The security guards come and subdue her and then the doc pulls back the curtain to me and Qui. He glances us over and asks Qui, "What you name?"

Qui frowns, but obliges, "I am Qui-Gon Jinn."

The doc gives the big burned Jedi a quick once over, then turns to Obi, "What you here?"

Obi-Wan's brow furrows, "I beg your pardon?"

I interrupt them before they embarrass themselves that's my job anyways. "We had a little accident with a stove and got burned."

The doc looks at the Jedi, then to me, then shakes his head, "To many men…."

The doc prattles on about something I have NO CLUE what he's talking about, but he's pointing to the three Jedi with me and I think I can fill it in with what he's saying. I shrug, act non-amused and snap my fingers in front of him, "YO! Do we get medical attention now or after the arms fall off?"

"Be back in a minute." The doc says, then goes over to the next patient.

I sigh and lean back against the bed. My arm hurts, I'm sure Qui-Gon's does too, my head is starting to pound, and I hear Windu tapping his foot again. This is definitely NOT the fun time I had planned for my guests. I groan, closing my eyes and pulling the pillow up over my head.

The nurse comes in with some bandages, " I've come to clean your burns and when I'm finished the doctor wants to have a quick look at you two. What are you doing?"

"Trying to suffocate myself with these lame excuses as a pillow." I rise, checking my pulse and sighing dramatically, "So far, no luck on killing myself. I'm still alive. I think I need another 2 hours under the pillow."

Obi-Wan giggles and the nurse shoots him a dirty look. He quiets and she returns her attention to me, "If you are suicidal, I will have to call security and alert the police."

I lower my eyes to her and growl, "Well, with your all's track record, my guess is, I'd have a good 5 hours before anyone gets here! But I may mess up the suicide.. mind if I practice on you?"

The nurse roughly grabs my arm and dumps some really cold stuff over it and takes some spongy things and dabs over the burned area. I grit my teeth, my breath hisses as she continues her torture. After a thorough peeling of my flesh, she puts some sort of smelly ointment on the burn, then wraps it up. She glares at me, then heads over to Qui-Gon to administer his 'treatment'.

She carefully dabs at his burn, all the while making small talk and just batting her eyelashes. I swear it was like 'gone with the wind!" if she would have started screaming "mistress I know nothing about birthing babies".. I would have punched her!

Obi leaves his masters side, getting grossed out by the mushy talk the nurse is laying onto him. And the weird this is… he seems to enjoy it! And was even giving it back! boy if that doesn't just ruffle ya feathers!!!

After the nurse finished wrapping Qui's arm, she looked over at me and the other two Jedi, 'The doctor will be back shortly to see if you need a prescription, then you may go."

We all nod and prepare ourselves for another long wait. 

Hours pass.

Windu's nerves are shot and he pulls the car keys out of his pocket and growls, "Come on! I'm tired of waiting!"

I look at the clock and realize that we've been there for 6 hours! I shake my head and start out the door, my Jedi in tow. The nurse asks me where I was going and I told her I was heading to Cuba to get some medical attention, I don't care if they use a chicken foot and bat testicles, at least then I would be treated! probably for nausea 

She tells me that my insurance will be charged double, then she 'backed up' the reason why with a bunch of medical jargon. I just shrug and grin, "Who cares? My card died last month anyway! Have fun getting that company to pay anything! Why do you think I changed?" I laugh and trot out the door, leaving the ER from hell behind. Now I remember why I hate hospitals and ER's!!

On the way back home, we stayed fairly quiet. Qui-Gon and I would groan when we would move our arms or if something bumped against us.

"I think we would be able to help heal the burns." Mace said as an afterthought.

"Do you think you could?" I ask, wincing at the pain. I'd kill for some Tylenol!

Windy nodded as he pulled the car into the garage. "I think Master Yoda and myself can heal you, Obi-Wan can assist his master."

Qui-Gon nods and hisses as he moves his arm. "With Obi-Wan and I, it shouldn't take too long."

We enter the house and I led everyone up to my room to get Yoda, and in case someone made noise, mom wouldn't be disturbed. When we got to the top of my stairs, we stared in disbelief.

Yoda was stretched out across my bed, junk food all over the place and he's laughing, pointing at the TV and yelling obscenities. "Kick his ass you will! Beat the bitch you can. Take that hoochie! Cheaters and liars they are. Need that you do not!"

I cringe and flip the TV off of 'Jerry Springer' and glare at Yoda in a disapproving manner. "Shame on you! Watching that IQ lowering filth!"

"Watching that I was! Kick your ass I will! Hold me back Qui-Gon will!" Yoda snaps, jumping up and putting up his clawed fists.

Qui-Gon looks over at me, "I will? What's going on here? Why is master Yoda acting so strange?"

I shake my head sadly, "I think the TV trash got to him. Not to worry. This will only last a short time. Just be glad he didn't watch the most horrific thing on TV."

Obi-Wan gulped and looked over at me. "And that would be?"

I close my eyes and mock whimper, "Soap Operas."

Windy shrugs, "What's so bad about soap?"

I bite my lip, thinking of an easy way to explain this, but I change my mind and decide to just confuse the hell out of them. "If Yoda was watching those, right now he would be protesting his undying love to Qui, saying he's pregnant by Obi, and will want to run away with you Mace."

The three Jedi widen their eyes in surprise and shake their heads in horror.

"Buck up guys, it could have been worse than that!" I offer.

"Yeah right! ME!? Getting Master Yoda pregnant? What could possibly beat that?!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

"Easy." I start. "He could have watched Barney or Teletubbies and start singing and dancing and hugging everyone like a sex starved maniac!"

Qui-Gon frowned, "That IS bad. I didn't know your 'TV' had such an influence. Now I worry about what Obi-Wan was exposed to."

Obi-Wan put his hands up defensively, "Nothing like that master! I swear, I don't feel the need to hug, sing, dance, or any of that other gross stuff."

Qui-Gon sighed, then turned to Yoda, "Master, snap out of it! We need your help!"

Yoda blinked a few times glancing around the room. "Back you are. Hurt you still are. Need help you do."

"Yes Master." Qui-Gon confirmed. "Obi-Wan can assist me in healing my arm. Could you help out Troublemaker over there?" Qui pointed at me.

I huff up and look hurt, pouting. "I'm not a troublemaker. I'm just misunderstood by the general population."

Obi-Wan snickers and Qui-Gon asks me, "Where is that missing part to my lightsaber?"

"Right here." I go to the desk and pull out the small piece and hand it to Qui-Gon, "Is it an important part?"

Qui-Gon looks over the piece, grins and mockingly says, "No, it was only the focusing crystal. Didn't need it….. unless I wanted to fricassee my body!"

"Oh, but Qui, that charred look is SOO you!" Windu laughed.

"Oh great," Mumbled Qui-Gon. "Another one influenced."

I laugh, then whimper as pain shot up my arm. Windu and Yoda converged on me and I watched as Obi-Wan concentrated on Qui-Gon.

I giggled as the tingling took over me…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors Note: No offence to hospital workers. In fact, my mom is a RN in real life and has to put up with stuff like this from people all the time. I got the 'patients' attitudes included from ACTUAL REAL CASES … some of the most STUPIDIST things people go to the ER for. Its enough to make you sick.. or at the very least… BONKERS!

Ps… I should tell you that this isnt a 'finish fic'… it's ongoing… for as long as I visit the Jedi, or they visit me.

Sorry this one isnt as funny as the others, but I'm backed up with TONS of stuff and my time is just getting shorter and shorter. Bear with me.. I'm going back with them for a vacation here pretty soon. WEG 


	6. chapter 6... still going!!

After all the tingling settled down in my body and it was DEFINATLY caused by the Jedi winkwink I began to feel the burn on my arm feel a lot better. The pain went away and I felt an odd itch/twitch/tingle all over my arm, then I felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over it.

When I opened my eyes, the wound was gone. I smiled to my Jedi nurses. "Thanks guys! Feels great!!"

Obi-Wan was just finishing with Qui-Gon and turned, shaking his head at my reactions. 

I shrugged at him, "What? I've never been force healed before. Its awesome!"

"The least little thing amuses you, huh?" Mace snickered.

I nod my head and giggle. its true. Anything amuses me. "Now what do ya'll wanna do?"

"SLEEP!" was the overwhelming response.

"Ok, Ok, Ok, I get the hint." I sighed.

Everyone said good night as they headed down to crash. I frowned, then settled myself down so I could get some sleep. After tossing and turning for a couple hours, I took a sleeping pill to knock my ass out, then woke up awhile later and went down stairs to fix something to eat.

As I was setting the table, I heard the loudest scream and ran to the bathroom to investigate. As I get to the hall, I'm nearly run over by Qui, whose hauling ass. I frown as he passes, then see my mom coming running from the hall with a towel on her head and her robe tied around her waist.

Doesn't take a Jedi to figure out what happened. Qui walked in on mom while she was going to take a bath. Didn't look good. He was dead meat if mom caught him.

The other Jedi came running out, their sabers in their hands, ready for an attack. They see mom running through the house, yelling threateningly and rather obscene things, that I wont repeat on here, chasing after a constantly apologizing Jedi Master.

"MOM! It was an accident. He didn't mean it!! Please don't hurt him!!" I scream, chasing after the two, the other jedi on my heels.

Mom screams back, "He said he didn't hear me in there and didn't know that I was in there. That's bullshit!! I was making all kinds of noise!!"

I hear Qui a good distance away, "I swear by the force, I didn't know you were in there. Please accept my apology for barging in on you. I didn't mean to upset you."

"See mom, it was an accident. NO harm done." I yell.

Mom stops in her tracks and sighs, "Ok, but if this happens again and ANY of you come in while I'm in the bathroom, then I wont hesitate to bust your asses." Mom points to everyone, then stalks off to change her clothes.

I sigh and hear Qui come back from where ever he was hiding from, "That was close. I hope she doesn't stay upset with me. It really was an accident."

"I understand." I nod. "How about, just to keep the peace, not to mention, keeping you all alive, that if you have to use the bathroom, come upstairs and use mine."

Everyone nods and starts to yawn and stretch. 

"Now what?" Mace asks me.

"Now, we go and get my film back from the developers and do a bit of last minute shopping and then maybe we can go relax by the lake." I bound up to my room, followed by the sleepy Jedi.

After everyone cleans up and looks presentable, I leave a note for mom and then head out the door with my Jedi in tow. We pile into the car and head down the road, Mace arguing with me about what to play on the stereo. Yoda plays the peacekeeper and tells us that we can share by alternating the music so we're all happy. We agree.

We pull into the 'mini mall' that has the photo lab and a small clothing store and a few other stores. I tell everyone that they can roam around here while I get my stuff done. They nod and head off in opposite directions.

I go into the photolab and the lady behind there tells me that they had a hard time developing the pics cause the machine was acting up and that the pics were messed up cause there were funny things on them. When I looked, I realized it was the pics I took on my first trip to Coruscant and that she thought the aliens and stuff on there were mess ups from her machine.

I assure her everything looked great and that it was of a convention so people were supposed to look like that and she sighed in relief. I thanked her and headed out to find my Jedi cohorts.

I ventured into the clothing store and found Windy and Qui looking through racks of clothes. I grinned and told them that if they found something they wanted, they just had to say it and I would get it for them. We came out of there with three bags a piece. I seen some stuff I just couldn't resist

The boys offer to pack the car and I give them the keys. After they filled the trunk, we heard an awful commotion coming out of the toy store. Someone was yelling that a muppet was alive. I guessed it was Yoda causing a scene. The boys went to go sort out the mess and I went looking for the missing Jedi.

I searched in the card store and the craft place. Still no Obi-Wan. I skipped one store and headed towards the end of the boardwalk, checking out the food stands and trinket shops. No Obi-Wan. Only one place he could be. The store that I skipped.

I walked into the "SEX KITTEN BOUTIQUE" and I swear I felt myself blush as I approached the cashier. I asked if he seen a guy, sandy blonde short hair with a long braid, blue eyes, tye dye teeshirt.

Imagine my surprise when he said yes and pointed me in the direction of the back. I think that was the first time in years I have felt fear of what was behind a curtain. I only hoped I didn't find the padawan wearing leather and tied down. Course, then again,…. Wouldn't you like to find him like that? pants and drools

Anyway, I pull back the curtain and there is Obi-Wan. Sitting in a small booth, watching some extremely bony girl take off her clothes. I grab Obi-Wan and discreetly bullshit escort him out from there. As we're going out the door, the cashier asks me how I'm going to pay.

I look at Obi-Wan and sigh, "How much?"

"Three hundred and four dollars." The cashier answers.

"WHAT?!" I fume. "What in the hell cost that much??!" Though I have a pretty good idea _what_ costs that much. Obi-Wan blushes and tries to hide his face.

The cashier runs down the list, "He ruined a case of body oil by knocking it over. I demonstrated our latest blow up dolls and he somehow made it explode. Then he asked about the sex toys, I showed him and when I turned on the switch, he yelled and threw it against this rack and broke several of our other quality merchandise. He said that his friend would pay for everything and that he was just visiting and was curious as to what was behind the curtain. To watch the girls is $5.00 for 10 minutes. He's been there for 35."

I look at the broken fake boobs and other bodily molds that were used as displays. I see the broken pieces littering the floor and shelf that was still sagging on one side where it was broken. I sigh and hand the cashier my credit card, knowing there will be A LOT of explaining going on later.

The cashier scans my card and hands me a gift bag as I get ready to leave.

"Whats this?"

"It's a free gift to all of our customers whose purchases are over $200.00." the cashier explains with a smile.

I grab the bag and hand it off to Obi-Wan, who is extremely beet red and push him out the door. When we get out of the store I look him straight in the beautiful blue eyes and say VERY sternly, "That was some of the best fun I have ever had! When we get home, you are going to entertain everyone by explaining what all you learned and will show off whatever is in that bag."

Obi-Wan somehow goes a deeper shade of crimson, then grins at me wickedly, "It was awfully fun, wasn't it?"

"OH yeah," I laugh as I link arms with him and we walk down the boardwalk towards our waiting companions.

"Can we do that again sometime?" Obi-Wan whispers.

"Next time, we do this on your world and YOU pay." I poke him in the ribs as we met up with the others.

Qui-Gon glares at us and looks suspiciously at the bag in the shape of women's breasts that Obi-Wan is carrying. "Padawan, what is that you have in there?"

Obi-Wan looks down at the bag and shrugs, "I don't know. It was a free surprise gift from that nice man in that store."

Qui-Gon looks at Obi-Wan, then me, then back to Obi-Wan. He frowns and looks a little worried.

"It's ok Qui. When we get home, Obi-Wan will open it up and explain everything about it. He learned a lot in that store. It was very…. Educational." I shook my head with a grin.

Qui-Gon seems hesitant about believing me and piles in the car with everyone else. As we're driving down the street, Obi-Wan smacks his forehead and slumps his shoulders.

"What's wrong Obi?"

"I was going to meet that girl after her shift." Obi-Wan sighed, then looked over to see everyone giving him a dirty look, with ME in the lead. "Sorry. It was just a joke."

I interrupted the silence by asking, "Well Yoda, what did you get into? I heard people saying that a muppet was alive and scaring people."

Yoda huffed up in a dignified manner, "Muppet I am not! Person I am. Scare them I did, but intentional, it was not. Wanted to see their games I did. Out of hand they got."

Qui-Gon shook his head, "But when we found you, you were up on the table, barking orders and demanding that they let you play on the 'SeGA". Care to explain that?"

Yoda thumped Qui with his stick, "Elder I am. Be obeyed I should. Afraid they were. Afraid I would win, yes. Spoiled sports they are."

I roll my eyes and wonder what in the world has gotten into the most revered Jedi in the galaxy, then I remembered. ME!

Windy grabs my pics and starts leaping through them, then finds one he's particularly interested in and pulls it out for a closer inspection. "I don't believe it" He gasps.

"Its NOT butter?" I ask in astonishment.

Windy looks at me, then waves the pic he's holding. "This is Senator B'Jore of the Arckepis sector. She is with a known bounty hunter and is offering the mercenary a huge amount of money. Do you know what you got here?"

I think a minute surprising I didn't have to lay down huh? and perk up, "Great fuel for a heated debate on fashions in the workplace?"

Mace shakes his head, "No. This is the proof that we need to end the Senators office. She will be brought up on charges and be forced to give up her accomplices." 

"WOOO HOOO" I squeal. "GO ME… GO ME.. GO ME."

"Can we have this picture?" Qui-gon asks, looking over the pic that Mace handed him.

"Sure. I have two copies and then the negatives. Any more ya need, just say the word." I feel just like a spy!!! By the way, which one is it?"

Qui-Gon hands me the pic and I nearly faint. "That ugly guy in the background was one of the nasty people that was chasing after you two when we were on that planet. Remember?"

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan exchange looks and nod. "And they were the ones that tried to shoot us down and you outmaneuvered them."

I blush and grin, "Awww shucks. It was nothing."

"So this means Master, that we have to get back to Coruscant to place the Senator under arrest. If she knows this information is in the hands of the Jedi, she may do something to ensure we don't allow this information to become public knowledge."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "You are right padawan. We must return and place the Senator under arrest before she can do any more damage."

I frown, "That sucks. Too bad ya'll can't stay just a bit longer. That would be great." I feel like I'm going to cry

"You can still come with us." Obi-Wan grins.

Mace groans and puts his hand over his eyes, "You just HAD to remind her."

"Helped us she did." Yoda interjected. "Got evidence we needed. Thankful you should be."

Windy looked over at me and smiled "Thank you. We appreciate your help."

I blush as we pull up into my driveway. "It was nothing."

We all hurry upstairs and the boys grab the stone, wishing to go back home. Obi-Wan is last and hands me the stone and I make my wish, hoping that I get there in time to watch all the fun!

I grab a few things and put them in a backpack to take with me. The Jedi change into their Jedi gear and make themselves presentable for when they get back home. Qui and Mace hold their shopping bags, careful to not leave them behind in case they get swept away. Obi-Wan carries around his 'boob' bag and tries to sneak a peak inside of it. I ask Qui to make it an order that Obi has to wait until everyone is around before he opens the gift and then explains it all to us. Qui agrees and Obi glares at me.

Everyone feels tired and I grab extra blankets and tell everyone they can crash on my bed. Mom yells for me and I run downstairs to see what's up. I tell her that I'm going to go to a friends house for a few days and she tells me as long as I stay out trouble, its ok with her. who is she kidding?

When I get back upstairs, Yoda and Mace are gone. Qui and Obi are passed out on my bed, Obi snoring softly, still holding his booby bag. I grab my camera, make sure the flash is off and snap a couple of pics.

I realize that my junk food on Coruscant must be nasty by now, so I run downstairs and get my stash of chocolate chip cookies and oreos. Packing them securely into my backpack, I head back upstairs and find Qui is missing. Only Obi-Wan remains.

I sneak over to Obi-Wan and put a little bit of lipgloss on him, dabbing it slightly on his lips to not wake him. He twitches his mouth a few times, but remains passed out. either that or he was just humoring me Making sure the flash wasn't on, I snap several good pics. for blackmailing purposes of course EG

I sigh and lay down on the other side of the bed, where Qui was and allow myself to drift off.

I wake up to feel the bed bouncing with me and open my eyes to see I'm at the Temple, stretched out across a bed and someone is bouncing awfully hard. I open my eyes to see Obi-wan's legs, then his feet, then his legs, as he bounces happily on the corner of the bed. I reach out, grabbing one if his legs and knock him off balance. He falls onto the bed hard and mumbles something at me I can't quite understand.

"I hate movement when I'm trying to sleep." I growl.

"I was trying to get you up." Obi-Wan grinned. "You've been here for two hours."

"I have?" I ask, raising up and feeling my backpack strain against my shoulders. "How long were you all on Earth?"

"We were there for sixteen days." Obi-Wan said with his eyes growing wide. "I guess that time passes differently on our two worlds."

"Ya think?" I quip in 'O'Neill' fashion and raise myself up off the bed. I stand, stretch, yawn and look over to Obi who is looking at me with a confused, amused, curious expression. "What? Did I forget to scratch my crotch like men do?" admit it.. THEY ALL DO

Obi nearly fell off the bed laughing and shook his head, 'You just look funny with your hair sticking up."

"As I recall, you looked funky yourself with that nasty cowlick you were sporting back on Earth." I dump my pack on the bed and rummage around for a cookie. "So, what did I miss while I was unconscious?"

"The Senator has been arrested and the picture was brought before a committee. They are processing it now and may ask for the person that took it to give a statement." 

"I can do that. State something they want to hear.. or something they wont understand. I can handle it." I grin while I make my hair lay down.

"I have no doubt." Obi-Wan grins back and motions for me to follow him.

We leave their quarters how I ended up there, I'll never know and head up to the council chambers. Obi-Wan keyed the door and it whooshes open to allow us to enter. The Supreme Chancellor is there and I try desperately to hold back the urge to scream "RALPH!". 

The Chancellor nods to me and continues talking to the council members. "It is believed she hired that assassin to kill one of her competitors, we just don't know which one. She is being held under heavy security and refuses to talk. Under the guidelines of the Republic, we can't persuade her into giving her testimony, nor can we lower ourselves to torture." 

I grin, "You might not, but its not below me. I'll do it."

The Chancellor looks my way with a surprised expression, "We can not harm her in any way. If there are signs of violence, we will be held accountable and our case lost."

"Who said anything about violence? Drive the witch batty!" I suggest. "Send me in there. I'll have her telling you shit she wouldn't tell a priest!!!"

The Chancellor looked at me, then back to the council, then focused on a smiling Yoda. "Do you seriously think she will be able to get the Senator to talk?"

Yoda shook his head and chuckled, "Be able to get the Senator to admit to things she never done, yes. Drive the Senator crazy she will. Let her try we shall."

The other council members looked at Yoda, then to Windy, then over to me, Obi and Qui. I heard Qui gulp and Obi giggle slightly. I just beamed ear to ear and rubbed my hands together and put the most evilest expression I could muster on my face.

"Let me at her, I'll splat her!!!" I giggle, then grab the Chancellors arm and start leading him out the door, " Let's go Ralph! I just have to stop by and get a few things first, then I'll get ya confession!!"

The Chancellor scurried out the door with me, asking, "Whose Ralph?"

We make a quick stop at my room and I grab a few things, then I go with Qui, Obi, the Jedi Council to make sure its all kosher and the supreme chancellor. They all wait outside of a two way mirrored wall and I go into the holding cell where the Senator is sitting.

She sits there, looking smug and got her nose so high in the air I'm surprised no planes flew up there and got stuck. She looks me up and down and scoffs at me as I get all my shit set up to begin her torture. She looks away from me and says in a superior voice, "You aren't allowed to torture me. I know my rights and you can't break them or the Republic will come down on you with all their might."

I glance over to her, "Oh honey, you got it all wrong. I'm just here to keep you company. I'm just as much as a prisoner as you."

"But you are nothing. I am a Senator. I am insulted that they allow riff raff commoners to share the same cell as high elected officials." The senator says in her ultra-bitchy way.

I roll my eyes and scoff, "Oh please, act so high on the hog. I got news for ya sista, your shit stinks like everyone else's!"

The Senator looks appalled and gasps at me.

I know I got her now!! I open my bag and pull out a pair of shears,like the ones that shear sheep and talk like a gay hairdresser from San Francisco, "My God Woman! Look at your hair! That is a crime in itself!! Let me fix that for you!!"

"What are you doing?" The senator exclaims as I come at her with the shears just a buzzing away.

"Why, I'm going to do your hair. Its looks just terrible! I swear, I'm surprised you weren't arrested by the fashion police for such a cheap haircut!" I keep up the charade and corner the loud mouthed bitch. "Now, do you want to tell me why you were paying that ugly assassin and who the target is?"

"I won't talk. You may do your worst. I will not talk." Sentator B'Jore tries to keep a straight face.

I grin and advance, knocking her to the ground and shearing a line right along the middle of her head. A pile of her hair falls off to the side and lays quietly while I do in the rest of its comrades. I give the senator a nice reverse mohawk, with accent lines along the sides, then shear off her eyebrows.

B'Jore is huddled in the corner, crying and mumbling how she valued her hair and looks.

"Well, now you look like a $2.00 hooker." I exclaim in my natural voice. that high pitched fairy talk does a number on my vocal cords!!

The senator stops crying and stands up in a stoic manner and ventures to the mirror to survey the damage. She gasps and muffles more cries as she turns her head and sees the star pattern along the side of her head.

"Ok, now what shall we do?" I grin and dip back into my bag and rummage around for more stuff.

"I will tell you who I hired." The senator says in a low, sad voice.

I look her up and down, getting the feeling that she will say anything to keep me from playing anymore. I shrug and pull out a small mini tape recorder, 'I don't believe you. I think you will just go back on your word and lie like a dog, so to ensure you won't, I will remain here until "I" think you have learned your lesson."

The Jedi behind the mirror shook their heads and agreed the senator was lying to save herself. The supreme chancellor was watching the whole mess with a dumbfounded expression and turned to the others in the room, "My goodness, is she really that nuts?"

Every council member shook their head YES, Obi and Qui mumbled a 'you don't know the half of it' under their breaths.

I had gotten the half shaved senator to settle down some and clicked on the music from the mini recorder, then started singing along to it. 

"YUT DUT DUT IT DODO, YUT DUT DUT IT DOE, YUT DUT DUT IT DO DIDO DIDO DINGGG LING LING LING……" sorry, don't know if there is actual words to the hampster dance, so I'm improvised

After an hour and a half of constantly singing the hampster dance, the senator was on her knees, crying and begging for me to turn off that damn song. I agreed, but held up my hand so the Jedi know to keep out. I wasn't done yet!

"ok Senator, you will tell me everything I want to know." I said in a low dangerous tone, then grabbed my bag and scooted it closer to my side. "Or I will have to get out the terrible things to break you."

The senator's eyes widened at the site of the bag and she shook her head, "I will tell you everything you need to know. Just send in someone else and never come near me again!"

"Oh, but we gotten to be such friends," I smile and wrap my arms around the senator. "But, there is one thing we have to do so I can be assured you wont go back on your word."

B'Jore sobs and shakes her head, 'Anything. I'll do anything let me talk to someone else and leave me alone!"

"Great." I pull out a pair of pliers, readi whip, pack of big league chewing gum, a CD with someone scrapping their nails across a chalkboard, a pair of fuzzy dice, sock puppets of the wizard of oz characters, pack of lee press on nails, silly string, eye drops and a spoon. I put the spoon on my nose ya know how ya hang them off ya nose and glare at the senator. "This is only a taste of what will be in store for you if you lie or do anything that pisses off the Jedi or me. These are very simple devices, and don't leave any traces behind. If you claim torture, there will be no proof, but you will have the memory as a reminder."

The senator gasps and looks around at each of the items on the table, "There are always tests that they can run to find out about my torture."

I frown and start laughing, "Honey, this isnt torture, this is how I have fun. Take these for instance," I said, picking up the pack of lee press on nails, "When these are inserted into your eye and pressed against the nerve, word has it that you lose control of your bodily functions. Now, they only last a short time and this stuff," I pick up the can of readi whip, "This hides all evidence of torture and heals up wounds to where you NEVER find out that the area was wounded."

The senators eyes widen and she's sweating so badly she's soaking her precious gown. Her eyes dart around nervously, looking for any means of help or escape.

I realize that she is now terrified and I only have to do a bit more before I can let her go to squeal on her comrades. "Now this spoon here," I point to my nose, "Is a special device, built exclusively for the acts of hidden torture and random insanity. It will repel any and all electrical devices to protect me from harm. And this," I pick up the silly string, "Is what wins wars. It is a toxin spray, that once covered, you lose consciousness and will curse your family." I aim the silly string and shoot a long strand of the blue stuff at her and she faints. "Opps."

The Jedi rush in, followed by the supreme chancellor. I stand up and automatically tell them, "This is all fake. This is just silly string. She just fainted. It won't kill her, I swear!!"

A guard brings in a glass of water, to which I accidentally on purpose put a few drops of the eye drops in and wakes the senator up. She grabs the readi whip and covers herself, thinking it will protect and heal her for any injuries and drinks the entire glass in a matter of seconds. I can't help but grin.

The Jedi escort me out as the senator is attended to, all the while I'm babbling about how that stuff was just ordinary stuff and that I just planted the seed of fear and used it to scare her into talking, instead of torture.

The supreme chancellor alerts the Jedi that she wants to confess, but only to the high courts of the Republic. She doesn't want me or the Jedi anywhere near her and will happily accept her punishment.

The Jedi and myself step back and watch as the senator is escorted from the room. She has the readi whip covering herself and is desperately trying to keep the spoon on her nose to ward off any electrical devices and allow her safe passage.

As soon as she is gone I fall against the wall laughing so hard I nearly pee myself. Tears run down my eyes and my sides hurt. I swear, its been months since I've had that much fun!!

Obi-Wan grabs my arm and helps me to stand, though I'm still laughing my ass off. I take several shaky deep breaths and look at the expression on the Jedi's faces. "What?"

"That was a terrible thing to do." One of the members chastises. 

"Look, you wanted a confession, without using torture. I just made her scared and used her own fear against her. She's not hurt, at least, not while she's covered in cool whip!!" I break out laughing again and lean against Obi for support.

The council members confer with each other, agree, then tell me that I will have to testify in the Republic courts for what I have seen and what I heard.

I groan, dreading the trial date, "Oh crap!"


	7. Chapter 7.. here we go again

First of all I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all who kept at me to write more of this fic. As I said before, it is continuing and not a 'completed fic' and will probably go on until I no longer have inspiration or accidentally blow up Coruscant. LOL sorry George, only a joke

Second, this fic has no coherence, like me. J LOL I just write what I would really do and what I think would happen. I give the Jedi lots of patience with me in this fic. I don't know if they would have this much, but I'm hoping they really would…. Or else strangle me. ROFL

This piece wouldn't have been written so early if it hadnt been for a stubborn tree limb that fell and caused a chain reaction that ended up with me sporting a fractured tailbone and dislocated hip. SO, thank the tree and the rocks responsible, and enjoy the fic for what it is…. Braincandy.

Thank you. PJ

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"And what were you doing on Illic'kup in the first place?" A tall, ugly, scrunched up face lawyer person asked me as I sat in an elaborate office complex. and we're talking OVERDONE….HUGE desk, lots of plush carpet, thick throw rugs, better than the ones from 'the rich and famous'.. large sectional couch with lots of fluffy pillows, and a staff of like 3 'persons'… don't ask what they were, I don't even think I can PRONOUNCE them, let alone spell them!

I rolled my eyes, "I was tagging along with a couple Jedi, and I decided to do some sight seeing, and took some pictures, and unknowingly took one of that senator lady talking to an assassin." I take a deep breath and stare up at all four of his eyes. "That's it. Can I go now?"

With a wave of his hand, he 'dismisses' my question and continues. "Where did you see Senator B'Jore? The exact location. Its important to know the exact coordinates of the Senator for confirmation."

I frown at him and wonder, what food group he's missing that evidently is the 'brain food' of this galaxy. "I don't know the exact coordinates. I just took the picture, I didn't ask for the precise location from the locals. I don't think anyone would be able to understand me. Can I go now?"

A large purple vein starts to throb at his temple as he takes a deep breath, staring at me through four small, dark eyes. He remains silent, only taking several deep breaths and glaring at me unblinkingly.

Its creepy.

Having enough of the silent treatment I glare right back. "Take a picture, it lasts longer…. Or do I need to ask you YOUR coordinates to make sure you are who you say you are and that you are really there?"

A blank expression crosses his face and he turns a bewildered stare to the corner, where Qui and Obi are standing in the shadows. "What did she just say?"

Obi looks over to Qui with a raised brow and Qui shrugs, "I think she said that she doesn't appreciate your negative manner towards her."

I look over at the two and my jaw drops. Qui is actually starting to understand me…. Now that can be scary, let me tell ya! 

The lawyer guy turns to me and bows his head slightly, "Please forgive my rudeness. I just want to make sure all the facts are correct and that the Senator goes away for a long time."

"Great. Me too." I nod. "Can I go now?"

He frowns at me and huffs, "NO! And stop asking!"

"I can't help it! My ass fell asleep in this chair!" I bark back at him, leaning over to rub some circulation into my now numb butt.

"How can anyone be so erratic and liberal tongued?" The lawyer asks to no one in particular.

"Well, you're annoying me, so I guess it's a defensive mechanism!" I snap.

"And you're annoying me! SO shut up and try to be adult and civilized about this case!" He yelled.

My bottom lip trembles, my eyes look tragic I hope and I start that 'shoulder quiver' that goes with crying. the one that every woman knows and uses

I hear movement behind me and see Qui come into my peripheral vision. His deep voice speaks plainly, yet quietly. "There is no need to raise your voice."

I let out a small, muffled cry/sob. My voice is very soft and I whisper out my words. "Qui, he was being mean to me."

I hear Qui's voice become dangerous, "Do NOT raise your voice again. You will keep a civil manner, or these proceedings are over."

The lawyer guy sighs, "Ok. I understand. Just, tell her to be sensible about this or we will lose the case."

I shake my head, "I never said I was intelligent."

He looks at me funny and goes over his notes again, running his hand through his thinning hair as a sign of agitation. "Now, can you tell me when you noticed you were being followed?"

"I didn't know I was being followed. When I returned to the ship, everything was fine, but then I noticed that the two Jedi I was accompanying were running towards the ship with people firing at them. I thought THEY got into trouble. We barely got out of there."

"Then how did you know who Senator B'Jore was?"

"When I was going through my pictures back home from the photo-mat, one of the Jedi with me recognized her in the picture, and asked if they could have the pic and I said sure and they came to the courts to get her put in the slammer."

The lawyer cocked his head, "Slammer?"

"Send her to the Big House.. up the river…. Ya know… to JAIL." I elaborated. what an idiot!

"Very well. Now, will you present the pictures and all evidence you have associated with this case?"

"Here are the negatives, the Jedi gave you the pics that I gave them. That's all I have. Can I make one request though?" I said, handing over the small envelope the pics came in.

"Certainly. If it's in my power that is."

"Good, do you mind if I cut the negatives? There are some pics on there that I would rather not have circulated out there and have others to see." like certain Jedi in make up and pigtails

"I'm sorry, but we must see the whole collection, if we are to have them authenticated."

"Oh. Well guys, I tried." I sigh, watching as the negatives are sealed into a small box and locked in the desk unit in the lawyers office.

"Could you make it to where no one else can look at the pics and negatives? Or will all of them be on display?" I ask with my fingers crossed.. and my legs, arms, eyes…. Then fall over from lack of balance.

Qui sighs heavily at my side as I get up.

"I can ask that they be blanked out when we project them for the audience." The lawyer answers.

"Good. I was appreciate that."

The lawyer smiles and assumes his seat behind his desk. "Now, you will be asked where you are, your name, and other personal information. We should go over it to get everything straight."

"Ok, I'm from a place called HELL." I grin and get a whack upside the head from Qui. "Ok ok ok.. I'm from a planet called Earth. I first arrived here…" I frown… how long had I been there and known them? "I can't remember how long I've been here, but I met some Jedi and they were nice to me and I asked to go along with them to go check out something. I was basically a tourist and accidentally got some pics of some things that was later useful."

The lawyer sits there, nodding, listening. at least he BETTER be listening

"Anyways, while visiting my planet, the Jedi saw the pics and realized what they were and thought that they should bring them immediately to the senate and the courts, so they left and I arrived early this morning, then your office called and set up an appointment to get my statement, go over the facts, get them straight, and to find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop." I pant, having said all that in one breath. sheesh.. I AM long winded aren't I?

The lawyer looks up at me, confused and startled. "A what?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were listening." I grin.

"Let's start with the basics, shall we?" He sighs heavily.

I grin at him and say in a baby voice. "Ok, shall I dress up like a molecule or do you want to act out the whole atom?"

"What?" He frowns, completely confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. Let's move on, huh?"

"What is your name?" The lawyer asks, as if dreading the answer.

by the authors request, certain parts have been edited to meet her approval and to maintain a certain amount of privacy

"Just call me PJ." I grin.

"PJ?"

"Not pajamas, if that's what your thinking. Its my initials. My name is 'Padawan Jinx'."

"You're a Jedi? You don't look or act like one." The lawyer crosses his arms over his chest and looks at me skeptically.

"I never said I was one. You only assumed I was because of my name. But its only my name.. not my description or title." I clarify.

Giving in and refusing to argue or even ask, the lawyer looks over his notes again. "And how old are you?"

I look him straight in the eye and say the expression that women have used for centuries and have passed on down to their daughters. "None ya damn business."

His head snaps up and he glares at me. like looking at me hurts in some way

"Let's put it this way. I'm legal and have been for some time. Now, let's move on to another question." I smile sweetly. little does he know how much sweetness is in this tart

"How did you arrive?"

"By stork." I answer, then see Qui frown and narrow his eyes at me. I think he's getting a bit pissed with me… or frustrated at the least "I don't remember how I got here, but I arrived at the Jedi Temple about a month ago and have known Qui and Obi, and the council for all that time."

"You live at the temple?" He asks.

"I only crash there. I don't live there permanently, just have a place to crash while I visit."

"Crash?"

"Nevermind." I sigh. "can I go now?"

Rubbing his temples, the lawyer groans, "I believe we've covered everything. The trial starts tomorrow morning. I trust the Jedi will ensure you arrive safely?"

Qui-Gon nodded, and I turned to see Obi-Wan in the back of the room nodding his head too, then sighed in an exasperated way.

"She will be there bright and early, you have my word." Qui-Gon bowed.

I rose from my chair and started towards the door, following the two Jedi out. As an afterthought, I turned to the lawyer, "Ya know, you were easier to irritate than a nasty patch of poison ivy. You really should relax more, and find a way to 'destress'."

He looks at me confused and slightly upset. gee.. why ever for? "I have never had a briefing to go so strangely or met someone who was so enigmatic and problematic."

"Briefs?" I asked, cocking my head slightly, then pull the corner of my pants down to show the edge of heart covered panties. "I don't wear briefs, I'm a thong-kind of girl, but to each their own, I say. I'm just glad this wasn't a 'Debriefing'. OH what fun that could have been." I grin and turn to see Obi-Wan pursing his lips together to keep from laughing. "And thanks for calling me a mysterious problem child. I am honored by the title." 

Obi holds the door open as I exit, following Qui, whose already halfway down the hallway. I swear, that man has THE longest legs in the galaxy!

Jogging to catch up, Obi and I take up position on either side of the tall master. I still had to nearly jog to keep up. some of us have short legs!

"Whats the matter Qui? You look like you just sucked a lemon." I ask.

Keeping a stony face and he better be careful with that look, he may end up on Easter Island he replies. "You behaved like a stubborn child. I know you are a free-spirit and enjoy confusing others, but this is a serious trial and the Senator MUST be brought to justice."

"Who said she wouldn't be." I ask, losing all my friendly gestures and tones.

"if you behave like that at the trial, she will be acquitted and we wont be able to pursue her in another trial. You jeopardize everything with your childish manner." Icy blue eyes glanced over at me as he spoke.

Obi remained quiet on his masters other side, looking straight ahead and not daring to glance at either of us. smart apprentice

Usually, I would smack the crap outta anyone who would reprimand me, but I didn't smack the big bacha-galoop. For one thing, he's A LOT bigger than me and I don't have a death wish, and for another, I understand his concerns.

"Qui, just relax." I say softly, wrapping my arm around his waist and pulling him into a semi-hug. "Everything will be alright, you'll see."

"Just because you say things will be alright, does not mean that they will." He said shortly, pulling away from me and boarding the small transport that brought us over to the court.

"Oh, but I only speak the truth. I know things will be just fine." I assure him.

Obi kept his head down, waiting out the battle of wills. He stole a quick glance to both Qui and myself, but not daring to make eye contact. 

When we left the transport and headed towards my quarters under Quis 'suggestion' that I try to collect my scattered thoughts and prepare for the trial in the morning Obi walked behind his master at his usual position. I walked at Qui's side, though nearly running to keep up.

When we reached the door, Qui stood aside and tucked his arms into his sleeves in a defiant manner. "We will escort you to the trial in the morning. Please be ready to leave by the 7th hour."

Looking up, and I mean WAY up to Qui's face I sigh and motion for him to enter. "Come here."

He enters, Obi follows, but both stay by the door.

"Over here please." I say, motioning to a chair that I hop up on and stand, waiting for Qui to come over.

He looks confused but ventures over anyway, standing just a foot or two away from me, to where we're nearly eye level.

"That's a lot better. Now I can see your face more clearly." I say. "You have nothing to worry about. Trust me Qui. Things will work out just fine."

He gives me a stern look and sighs. "You don't know that. The Senator will have the best legal council money can buy. They will easily break through your story and totally destroy your credibility. And she'll slip through our fingers once again."

I raise my brow at him and grin in that feral way. "Think that she can break ME? You can not break the queen of confusion, the artisan of subterfuge, the master of bullshit."

I get a strange look at that from both Jedi.

I smile and grab Qui's face with my hands and give him a peck on the cheek. "You need to learn to have some faith Qui."

He doesn't say anything, just stares at me like he's trying to figure out a puzzle.

"Tell ya what, let's go somewhere and have some fun and put the whole tensed afternoon behind us. Hows that sound?" I ask.

"Jedi do not require 'fun'." Qui said, going back into 'master of everything' mode.

"Well that explains your tight asses." I quip.

Qui frowns. "We have other things that need tending to. We do not need the distraction of fun."

"Oh, you may not WANT to, but EVERYONE needs some fun every now and then. Its keeps ya sane, or in my case, Insane. I give the boys a wicked grin that Obi returns and to my great amazement, Qui smiles and shakes his head in submission.

I hear a _beep_ and look strangely over to Qui. "Is it just me, or did your pants just make a summons?"

He snickers and pulls out a comm link. like the one on the movie "Jinn here."

Yoda's voice comes through the comm, "Your meeting, well it went?"

Qui looks over to me and sighs, "It didn't go according to plan. There were….." He paused looking at me and searching for the right words. "Unrelated events and discussions that weren't relevant and informative to things I would have rather not known about."

"Irratated him she did." Yoda said.

"I believe the term more appropriate was 'infuriated'." Qui grinned.

"Expected it was. Trial tomorrow I presume, hum?"

"Yes Master. It starts at the 8th hour, but we will arrive earlier for any special orders and to make sure there isnt an attempt made." Qui said, losing his smile and becoming serious.

"Attempt?" I repeat, looking from Qui to Obi. "What do you mean by, ATTEMPT?"

"The senator is a powerful woman. She may have hired someone to take care of the person responsible for her capture." Qui explained.

I remembered Mace finding the pic and delivering it to the courts and I squealed into Qui's comm, "Don't worry Windu, I"LL PROTECT YOU!"

Obi snickers, trying to hold back his laughter, but fails miserably as several snorts escape.

"It is not I that needs protection." Mace says over the comm. "You are the one that took the pictures and handed them to the Jedi as evidence."

"Yeah, but YOU were the one that recognized the senator, and YOU were the one that brought them here. But not to worry, I will save you!" I say in my most 'hero/action figure' voice.

"It does not matter who brought them before the courts. The senators main concern will be that the person responsible for taking the pictures and testifying on what transpired, not the messenger."

"Shit." I sigh.

"Exactly." Says Windu. "You will remain here under close supervision, and when you go to testify, you will have plenty of protection to ensure your safety."

"You're going to surround me with contraceptives?" I ask with a curious/innocent look. which Qui nor Obi buy blame them?

"What?" Mace asks through the comm.

"Nevermind. Ok, so I'm restricted to the temple, and have to stay by my protection when we leave in the morning?"

"Correct."

"Oh, this is going to suck. I hate being caged in." I moan.

I hear Yoda's stick tap on the floor over the comm. "Doing this to protect you we are. Cooperate you must."

"I will, don't worry." I said, then perk up. "Thank you." Then give a BIG pretend kiss over the comm. "I WUV YOU"

I hear muffled laughter, then Mace mumbling, "For crying out loud" before the link was terminated.

I grin over at the two standing in my quarters and grin. "I think he's been around me too much."

Qui sighs and returns his link to his belt I think that's where he put it and sighs. "You really should get some rest. You have a busy day tomorrow."

I grin and throw my arms around Qui, "OH, you found a mall with discounts and we're going shopping?"

Qui lowers me to the ground and pulls away. "No, you have to testify early in the morning."

"OH I can do that no prob. I don't feel like resting. I have too much energy." I bounce, grabbing a bag of Oreos off the table and munching.

"That I can see." Qui says, shaking his head.

"Qui, honey, you need to relax. You look like you are about to drop." I say through mouthfulls.

"Some meditation will relax me sufficiently."

"I think you could do with the nap. Tell ya what," I say, going over to the walkman and hooking up its speakers and popping in a ENYA cd. "Listen to this for a while, relax, feel the force, go with the flow, chill, do whatever. When the cd is finished, you should be really laid back and feeling much better."

"I don't think its necessary." He protests, but nonetheless, sits down on the floor and crosses his legs.

"There are more CD's right here, if you get tired of this one, or want to listen to another one of her albums, feel free. Obi and I will be running around the temple trying hard not to blow it up."

"WHAT?!" Qui jumps, wide eyed staring at me.  


"It was only a joke. Chill Qui." I turn on the tunes and he instantly relaxes, obviously remembering the music I played in the car and when they took naps while visiting. "We'll be back later. Be a good master and relax."

Obi grins as we leave Qui sitting on the floor, leaning a bit towards the couch.

"He may fall asleep again." I tell Obi.

Obi nods, "He needs some rest. He's trying to hide his frustration and fatigue from me, but I can still sense it."

"Oh, even I can sense it." I nod, following my jedi escort to destination unknown.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we enter the lift.

"To the cafeteria. Its after lunch and I'm rather hungry." Obi gives me that mischievous, imp-like, Cheshire cat grin.

I feel my tummy rumbling, not happy with the couple cookies I crammed into my face. "I'm rather starved myself. Wonder what they have today?"

"They make several things to appease every species and appetites."

I keep the perverted thoughts to myself and hold back the smart assed remark that formed, and just give Obi a curious look. "How many species are here?"

"The last time I heard, there were 152 different species represented in the Jedi Order. The kitchens have their hands full when it comes to feeding everyone. There are some beings that are highly allergic to simple foods, yet others that can eat anything, including food that is decaying."

I scrunch up my nose. "That's disgusting."

Obi curls up his nose and nods as we enter the large cafeteria. Hundreds of beings are there, packing the LARGE room from wall to wall. Some 'people' look like fish, others look lizard-ish, others have antennas. Every color is displayed in hair, skin, eye, and clothing arrays. Everyone is talking, laughing, eating, enjoying each others company. Though I detest crowds, it's the most homely, inviting, accepting place I've ever encountered, and would love to sit and converse with everyone and everything.

Obi seems to know what I'm thinking cause he muffles a giggle and jabs me in the ribs to head over to the line. I follow behind a short person, white hair, green skin, and webbed feet that poke out of open-toed boots. She turns and smiles and points to a strange looking fruit thing at least I think its fruit "They are my favorites!"

"Really?" I ask. "What are they called?" I examine the orange squash shaped thing.

"Orm. They come from my home world of Tra-Io." She answers quickly, then scampers off to sit with some beings that are around her age and height. I'm guessing they are crèche mates.

"She was nice." I comment over my shoulder to Obi, whose tray is disappearing under heavy bombardment of food.

"You have to be careful though. Most initiates will talk and won't let you get a word in, then follow you around and constantly talk to you and ask questions that no person would know." Obi explains as we take a seat at a rather vacant table. There are two other adults, both have very long braids over their shoulders and are in deep conversation and totally ignore us as we sit.

"There's nothing wrong with a bit of conversation Obi. Sometimes people latch on to others subliminally, without realizing it. Its not terrible or uncomfortable, just some people seem to have that air to them. Take your master for example. People seem to gravitate to him."

Obi frowns around a mouthful of food. "What do you mean?"

"Well, look at it this way. When you first met, did you find yourself going everywhere HE was going? Didn't you look up to him as a guide and mentor, though he wasn't your master at the time?" Obi remains quiet as I continue. "Doesn't he seem to 'pick up' complete strangers that seem to take a liking to him? He kinda 'adopts' others and looks out for them, even though he has no obligation to?"

"You know, you may have a point." Obi says, that adorable frown still on his face as he thinks.

"I most certainly do." I grin, then take a bit of the "Orm". My eyes instantly water, my throat constricts, my breath catches in my chest, and I have an overwhelming urge to puke. think about putting an older brothers sweaty gym sock in your mouth and that's the reaction/taste you get from that 'fruit'

I spit the disgusting thing into a napkin and watch Obi suppress and smile, and try hard to not burst out laughing.

"It's not funny Braid Boy!" I say in a dangerous tone, though smiling.

The two senior padawans beside us look over at me and give me a discouraging look.

I smile, "No disrespect intended boys." 

They turn back to their conversation, though I can tell they are irked by me. big deal

Obi chuckles softly, and I land a piece of the Orm right between his eyes.

Bright, gorgeous blue-green eyes look up, and there is a definite hint of playful mischief in their depths. He lobs a piece of pasta looking stuff at me and it lands on my cheek.

My jaw drops, "Obi, that is so childish." I snap.

"You started it." He grins.

"Did not" I feel the slimy thing slowly sliding down my cheek and it's the most unpleasant feeling I think I've ever had. Felt like a worm/slug thing was crawling down my cheek and neck. I wiped the thing off with a napkin and lower my head.

"Did to." Obi says in a superior tone.

When I look back up, my hand is on a mold of jello like stuff, and I have a dangerous grin on my face. "DID NOT"

"TO!"

"THAT'S IT BRAID BOY!!" I squeal and throw a handful at Obi, who catches a great deal of it on the neck.

He sits there, stunned, flabbergasted, and grabs a handful of some sort of meat stuff and reaches over and smashes it right in my face.

I hear a couple gasps and wipe the meat from my eyes to see the two senior padawans staring at us, clearly taken by surprise by my actions, and absolutely stunned by Obi-Wan's. "What? Doesn't go with my hair?" I ask, pulling out some of the meat. "Or doesn't it go with my shoes?"

"By the force!" One of them whispers in alarm.

Taking this as the beginnings to an exorcism, I jump up and take a couple handfuls of food with me and shout, "BY THE FORCE…..THIS PLACE IS BRIMMING WITH CLEANINESS! CANT HAVE THAT!! WE MUST EXORSIZE THE DEMONS AND CLEANSE THIS PLACE!!" and with that, I lobbed the food to the two senior padawans who took both handfuls eloquently right in the face.

Obi jumped up, throwing a cream pastry thing at me and smashing it into my hair. The two senior padawans threw something in the air at me, which missed me and one splatted Obi upside the head, the other hit another padawan at the next table. She was very non-pleased, and grabbed her own tray and threw it across her table to ours, to which it missed and landed on the back of a masters head. He turned around, his hands already full of food and launched a wicked aerial assault on the neighboring table.

Squeals, shouts, and laughing resounded from the initiates' tables, and the air was thick with flying food debris and jocular insults.

Two kitchen workers ran into the room, screaming for order, but were met by a volley of assorted fruits and veggies.

Someone shouted, "THE COUNCIL IS ON THEIR WAY!"

With a quick look over to a food collage Obi, we nodded and made a quick retreat through the doors, hopefully unnoticed by the scurrying bodies to clean up the mess and reinstate some order to the chaos.

'I've NEVER done that!" Obi exclaimed through pants.

"What? Ran from authority? Ignored authority?" I ask, gasping for air.

"No, been in a food fight." Obi smiled as we darted around a corner.

Laughing as we ran, Obi and I jumped into the lift and started up to go back to my quarters for a change. When the lift opened up, Obi and I spilled out, still laughing hysterically and dripping with so many kinds of food and desserts, it was a good few minutes to regain our composure and for Obi to realize that I accidentally hit the wrong button and we were on the wrong floor.

"We're on level 310. Your quarters are on 315." Obi giggled, leaning against a wall to catch his breath.

"The lift already left." I laugh, wiping a piece of pasta stuff from my vision. "Is there stairs we can take?"

"Yeah, at the end of corridor H." Obi answered. "This way, come on."

Still panting from running, we walked as quickly as we could, hoping to not run into anyone. Our luck ran out however when we crossed section E on a shortcut. Voices could be heard coming in our direction.

Biting his lip, Obi grabbed my arm and activated a door hidden in an alcove. We ducked inside, the doors closed, and we heard the voices pass, talking about the fiasco in the cafeteria and the tirade of the council when they find out who was responsible for disrupting the order.

I figured out we were in a closet when I put my hand on a wet mop and squealed, causing Obi to put his hand over my mouth to shut me up incase the Jedi walking outside the door would hear and investigate.

When the last of the voices died away, Obi removed his hand. "Sorry about that. Didn't want to risk getting caught." He whispered.

I was busy gagging at the time.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" Obi asked.

I leaned against the wall after the dry heaves left and looked at him, "Next time you put your hands over someone's mouth, make sure they are clean." I snap.

Obi looked down at his hands, and in the faint light of the closet, realized he had all kinds of food stuck to them, a bit of which was the Orm fruit. "Sorry." He said, though grinning widely.

I sigh and laugh, knowing I couldn't get mad at him or stay that way. I brushed the peelings, grounds, and cream off him, wiping it off his clothes, and face, then trying to remove it from his hair where a rather nasty cream puff had decided to nest, along with the sticky syrup that covered the dessert.

I wiped off my face with my shirt, Obi picked out food from my hair and we tried to make ourselves look presentable, or at least innocent of being in a food fight.

With a quick force check that the coast was clear, the two of us set out down the hall again, finding the stairs and climbing up the 5 flights of steps to my level. By the time we got to the level I was on, we were both panting and leaning against the wall for support while we sucked for air.

While leaning against the wall, and leaving a big greasy mark from the food caking my clothes, I could hear a dull thumping noise coming from nearby. With a furrowed brow I started down the hall, using the throbbing beat as a beacon, and homing in on my own quarters.

With a questioning look to Obi, who only shrugged, I pressed my ear against the door. I recognized the beat and the song and grinned. "Obi, can you sense anything in there?"

Closing his eyes, Obi started to grin. "I can sense my master. The force is flowing and swirling around him, being channeled and directed as I've never sensed before. He must have reached the highest meditation plateau, or is doing the 21st level katta."

I frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's very in tune with the force. This is the highest form of manipulation and control I've ever sensed. He must be completely focused to attain this level during a workout."

I grin, listening again to the beat and know what measure its on. With a sly grin I open the door.

Obi opens his eyes and see Qui doing a backflip, followed by a spin and a kind of shuffling sidestep, finished off with a wiggle of his hips and a furious face as he lip-syncs and the music plays..'_IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR… SHE CRIED MORE.. MORE .. MORE.. WITH A REBEL YELL…. MORE MORE MORE…."_

I look over at Obi and grin. "I think its rather fitting for him."

Suddenly sensing his apprentice and me in the doorway, Qui stutters to a halt and looks at the two of us, his expression nonplused. He just looks at us, serene, calm, as if he was doing nothing out of the ordinary, like walking across the room and retrieving his saber and robes. With a quick force flip, the music is killed, and the room eerily silent.

Obi and I entered, me smiling and Obi looked stunned. I think it was shock, cant tell

"Nice moves slick. You have that sexy wiggle down." I retort.

Qui lifts a brow at me and then looks us over. "What is wrong with your clothes? Obi-Wan, what are those stains on your robe?"

Thinking quickly I added, "He was doing his impersonation of Monica Lewinsky?"

Qui stares down his apprentice and Obi finally remembers to close his mouth. He bows his head and is taking a deep breath to begin his explanation, when Qui's comm sounds again.

"Jinn here."

"GET THOSE TWO TROUBLE MAKERS UP HERE THIS VERY INSTANT!" Mace shouts through the comm, not bothering with formalities or niceties. 

"What did you two do?" Qui asks in amazement.

I grab a hold of Obi's robe, pulling it over my head and basically mold myself against his side under his robes and mumble through the material, "I'm not here. You never saw me."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ 

TBC


	8. Chapter 8: OH BOY!

AN: I'm BACK!!! I'm SOO sorry I haven't updated this fic in such a long time. In all honesty the muse just wasn't cooperating with me. I have finished other projects and uploaded them, so now its time to go back to one of my first fics and see if I can pick up where I left off. This will be a short chapter, as I really need to reacquaint myself with the SW uni. I have gotten used to Tolkiens world and I have to remember what all went on here. Bear with me. 

**HUGE THANK YOU to those that reviewed and sent me emails asking for another chapter of my craziness. Your words were greatly appreciated and I cant thank you enough for your enthusiasm and good humor at my antics. This chapter wont be very long because I have a rather full plate of other fics at the moment and this one is being written as quickly as possible to be uploaded as a THANKS.** Also, I hope that my grammar and punctuation is much better than at the beginning. **  Please excuse the mistakes I hope they are less and as always, your thoughts and comments are welcomed and appreciated. ****J******

**SO before I get mushy… for a full disclaimer, see other chapters.**

**And now…**

**AN IDIOT IN THE JEDI TEMPLE**

**CHAPTER EIGHT!**

**With a growing sense of dread I followed behind Qui towards the lift. After he had received the rather loud and obnoxious in my opinion comm., he had kept his face neutral, and motioned for the two of us to follow him towards the council chambers. I kept in Obi's shadow, hoping that I would either A. Be struck by lightning while inside the temple, B. be dinner to the floor that I wished would open up and gobble me whole, or C. have Obi turn and say the council be damned, we were off to a remote moon to make mad passionate love for the rest of our lives. no such luck on that thought**

**As we entered the lift, I tried to make my way to the back, to hide in a corner, but Qui's strong hands on my shoulders prevented me from making any such moves. not to mention curbed my thoughts of running**

**"Don't even think about it," Qui's voice sounded low and dangerous.**

**"I don't think," I quipped, my voice stronger than what I felt. "Its too painful. I enjoy my state of ignorant bliss."**

**Obi cracked a smile, but quickly dashed it as Qui's demeanor didn't change. He bowed his head, knowing his master would have a reprimand in store for him later.**

**I felt guilty for getting Obi into trouble, I really did. I don't think he's had much fun in his life. poor wittle boo! I sighed and relaxed under Qui's hold and leaned against him. All the running and causing havoc had worn me down. I must be getting old! gasp! Horror! Shock!**

**Qui lessened his grip as the lift sped towards the council chambers, and I just knew, my potential doom. I had worn out my welcome and now they had lost all their patience with me. I was dead meat, and I couldn't help but think what kind I would be, considering I'm a vegetarian. **

**As the lift doors opened, we walked towards the council doors and I swear it was like walking the final steps of my life. I just KNEW there was a gallows in the chambers and I was going to be strung up for all the trouble I caused. and for some reason I kept picturing THE GREEN MILE in my head**

**The doors opened and I was steered into the center of the room by Qui. Obi followed quietly behind, his head bowed and food still decorating his robes.**

**Mace Windu sat in his chair, looking like a death row inmate that hasn't seen a female in decades and just dying to release some sexual tension. For some reason though, I don't think that's his problem. though it might be, who knows?**

**"Do you have any idea what you have done?" Mace asked in a hushed tone.**

**I gulped and pulled away from Qui's grip and stood directly in front of the dark master, "I squashed food in Obi's face and threw it at people I didn't even know. I made a huge mess and actually," I gave a false laugh, "Made some of you stuffy Jedi have FUN."**

**Mace narrowed his eyes, "You call the mess and chaos '_fun?'_" **

**"Yeah," I managed to say though for some reason I was starting to feel rather helpless and vulnerable. God I hate that feeling!**

**Mace rose slowly from his chair and took a couple steps towards, closing the gap, "Several initiates were injured from the food fight. They were struck by food that their species is highly allergic too. Had the healers not been quick, they would have died."**

**"Died?" I repeated faintly. It didn't occur to me that someone would have an allergic reaction to a food fight. Obi didn't warm me about that part!**

**"Died," Mace punctuated with a look of pure daggers. "Because of your foolishness, lives could have been lost."**

**I have never felt so nauseous in my life, and that includes being active in dissections, seeing horrible car accidents, and walking in on cousin and his boyfriend. I shuttered and clutched my stomach, where some pasta stuff squished under my hand. "I didn't realize that someone could die from being _touched_ by food."**

"Touch it, they did not," Yoda said, withdrawing from his chair and coming to stand next to Windu, giving him a reproachful look. "Laughed they did. Food accidentally was swallowed. A simple mistake it was."

**"It was swallowed?" I asked, looking between the two masters. **

**"It doesn't matter,' Windu said trying to turn away.**

**I reached out and grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving, "Like hell it doesn't! You laid on this guilt trip and you will stay for the full journey!"**

**"What is that supposed to mean?" Windu snapped, glaring at me. **

**I gave him a look of pure contempt and said, "I have no clue, but it sounded good."**

**A vein throbbed on the side of Mace's head as he took in what I said. With forced calm he stammered, "You speak in riddles!"**

**"And you don't?" I retorted. "It seems to be common practice for all Jedi to be some sort of mystic. Speaking backwards and never saying what is truly on their minds. Always keeping this 'better than you' air about you."**

**"Not many can feel the force," Mace stated plainly.**

**"And those that do have no sense of humor," I snapped back.**

**"We do not see the need for humor when there are lives at stake and entire planets on the verge of complete destruction," Windu ground out.**

**"I didn't say you needed to laugh at other people's misfortune," I answered. "I just mean that Jedi always seem so….calm… surreal…not appreciative of mirth at all."**

**"We each find our own amusement," Windu said flatly and turned away to walk back to his chair.**

**I grinned wickedly and reached out, clamping both my hands on his butt cheeks. The room was deadly silent. He yelped and who wouldn't? and jumped from my reach. "AH HA! I KNEW IT!"**

**"Young lady you trend on dangerous ground," Mace said with fire in his eyes. wouldn't that burn?would Visine help?**

**"I was right," I said, placing my hands on my hips. **

**"Right about what?" Mace seethed. reminding me of a sprinkler system**

**"You're a tight ass," I said sarcastically. "Don't get me wrong, it's a nice ass to be sure, but damn honey, how can you walk without ya cheeks squeaking?"**

**Mace stalked forward, hands balled into fights that made his knuckles turn white, and that's a feat, let me tell ya! "I should have you thrown out of the temple…."  
  
**

**Mace never finished what he said because Yoda stepped before him and held him in a force hold. I wanna learn how to do that! "Send her away we will not. Control yourself you will."**

**Mace took a couple minutes to calm down. His eyes flashed, his nostrils flared, and he panted like a winded rhino. I could tell he was not very happy at the moment. maybe he needs some loosening up a bit?**

**"Tell ya what," I said after Mace had calmed down enough and Yoda released him from the force hold, "After I testify tomorrow, I will wish to return home and you shall never be inflicted to suffer me again."**

**Obi and Qui made a strange noise, but I wasn't paying much attention. My focus was upon the master before me, who looked slightly taken aback at what I said. "What?"**

**"Do you have corn in your ears?" I asked as Obi snorted and I distinctly heard something being withdrawn noisily from an auditory canal. "I'll go home and never come back. Will that make you happy?"**

**Windu stuttered, "I did not mean for you to go into exile as such."**

**"I'm not going into exile," I huffed, giving him a frown. "Its just that, if I cause you that much unrest, even though we've had some great times together and learned a lot and I helped you gather information about a known badass and will be testifying, putting MYSELF in a dangerous position to help your ungrateful ass, then I shall inflict my presence on you no longer. After my testimony, I'll go home and throw away the stone…or decide to go to another world. Middle Earth sounds good right about now." shameless plug here**

**Mace seemed to struggle with himself… which is a very interesting concept all into itself but I digress. After a moment of thought, he sighed, "I do not wish for you to leave and never return. Though you have proven most annoying I beamed cheekily and full of information the unless kind I do not wish you to act so rashly."**

**I checked my arms, then pulled up my shirt to look at my belly, "No rash here, Windy. You ok? You seeing spots?"**

**Windu gave an exasperated sigh and shook his head, "You have proven most distracting."**

**"Thanks, I think," I said, not sure to take that as a compliment or an insult.**

**Yoda sighed heavily, and returned to his chair, "Witnessed so much emotion I have. Never thought to see this day." He chuckled in his strange melodic voice. "Most deceiving and most energetic I have known."**

**"WOW," I said with wide eyes, "That's like eight hundred years or so, right?"**

**Yoda's ears twitched and they look cute when they do that, "Know this how?"**

**I shrugged, "It was an educational guess… I think." wow, there's that word again!**

**"So?" I asked when everyone settled themselves in their seats and silence hung once again.**

**"So what?" Mace asked with a touch of annoyance. I think he's still a bit cheesed at me**

**"So as in, are Obi and I in trouble and are we going to be punished," I asked, then grinned wickedly, "I wouldn't mind being punished. Do I get to pick where and when?"**

**Mace rolled his eyes and put his head in his hand which I didn't know it popped off and sighed, "There is no punishment but yes, you both are in trouble."**

**"Damn," I pouted, tapping my foot. "And here I was looking forward to good whooping. Nothing like a little pain to make one happy."**

**"I'd take her over my knee, but she would enjoy it," Qui said flatly, shaking his head.**

**I turned to him and grinned, "Oh yeah, and probably be asking for more."  I bent over slightly, made pained face and whimpered, "Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks and call you Clive!"**

**Obi snickered and lowered his head to keep the others from seeing his face. His shoulders shook silently so it didn't take a genius to guess what was wrong. he was bawling like a school girl… right?**

**"A punishment may be in order," Yoda said.**

**My face instantly changed to a shocked expression, "Yoda, you didn't talk back asswards! Are you ok?"**

**Yoda huffed and tapped his stick, "Talk this way, I do not!"**

**"Do too."**

**"Do not."  
  
**

**"Do or do not, there is always another chance if you miss it the first time," I said smugly.**

**Yoda's huge green eyes blinked a few times as a sound not unlike a snort emanated from a padawan learner standing nearby.**

**After a stretch of silence, to which I pondered why silence needed to be so limber, I sighed, "I'm hungry."**

**"But you just ate!" Obi said through snickers.**

**"I didn't eat much. Most of it was flying through the air with the greatest of ease," I said, folding my arms across my chest. "You're wearing my lunch! What am I to do? Lick it off you?" double implication intended there folks "Mind you, it wouldn't be a bad idea."**

**I grin wickedly and started to stalk Obi like a daigon on angel dust. btw, I don't condone or do recreational drugs of any kind As I take slow, deliberate steps towards him, my hands wringing in front of me as I think of what I'm about to dine on, I feel a strong hand across the back of my neck and I swear, I nearly fainted. do Jedi know of the Vulcan neck pinch?!**

**Qui's voice draws my attention away from the padawan now shied away in a corner with a frightened look on his face, "You are not going to lick my padawan."  
  
**

"Why not? He does look tasty!" I smiled. "I mean, look at that adorable face, those sexy legs. I mean, the boy just screams '_I'm a delicacy!_'"

My advance is halted by a tug and my neck being held in a vice-like grip. I squirm around and finally come face to face with Qui, well, face to mid-chest anyway. I look up, cricking my neck to get a good angle on him and smile sweetly.

**"What's up, Qui?"**

**"You are not eating Obi-Wan," Qui says plainly.**

**"Fine," I said, relaxing. "I would nibble on you, but your too damn tough."**

**Obi snickers. The masters in the room hide their smiles behind their hands, while some try to cover up their laughter.**

**I grab Qui's arm and give him a few squeezes, progressing over his arms, shoulders, chest and waist, "I mean look at this! You're all gamy and tough, and not enough meat on your bones. I mean, you'd probably give me horrible gas!"**

**Qui looses his cool and actually snorted, shaking his head, "Such talk from you!"**

**"It's one of the talents my mouth can do," I sneer.**

**Qui lets go and shakes his head, "I wonder at the others."**

**I grin innocently, "Well I was going to show Obi, but you prevented that. I guess I will have to leave it to your imagination."**

**Qui-Gon narrows his eyes suspiciously and gives me a dirty look. if he says _'Come on punk, make my day'_ I am SO out of there!**

**"It was only a joke, my little gamy pigeon," I sigh, though it was only partially true. "Can we find something to eat?"**

**Mace waves his hand, not trusting his voice as he sees Qui glare at me. Yoda mumbles that _'May the force be with you' _crap and start towards the door. As we are leaving, I hear someone call out, "Do not forget your place."**

**I turn, frowning, "Who are you talking to? Me or them?"**

**The room is quiet, exchanging looks with one another. Finally, Mace straightens in his chair, "To what are you referring?"**

**"That whole 'don't forget your place' business," I said, putting my hands on my hips.**

**Another look was exchanged between the masters, "We said nothing," a female master said.**

**"I could have sworn I heard someone say it!" I glared from face to face, trying to find the culprit. NO such luck. They have the facial composure of the gamy pigeon standing in the doorway. "Fine!"**

**With that final word I stormed past Qui, Obi following behind me. I hear some mumbles then the door close and hear Qui's footsteps not far off. Soon enough he catches up with me that man has the longest legs!! and gives me a sidelong glance.**

**I don't feel like talking so I continue to storm, going no where in particular. Qui puts his hand on my shoulder and steers me in the desired direction and we make it to my door in no time. I still don't remember walking to it**

**We go inside and I automatically find one of my duffels and search for any kind of junk food. I'm on a major incline and I need sugar, FAST! Finding half of a Kit Kat, I stuff it in my mouth and pace back and forth, not wanting to talk or even look at the Jedi standing quietly in the room.**

**"I don't think I've ever seen her this quiet," Obi whispers but I can still hear him.**

**"Bite me, Braid Boy," I snap, still pacing and refusing to meet their gazes.**

**"There is no need to be so defensive," Qui states, tucking his hands into his sleeves. "What has gotten you so agitated?"**

**"Number one, my blood sugar is low," I said, now walking circles around the room. "Number two, I heard something that no one admits to saying, so I think I'm losing what little of a mind I possess. Third, I'm hungry! Forth, this trip has been an emotional rollarcoaster and I don't recall buying a ticket! Fifth, I'm noticing there is a lot of prying eyes. Sixth, I'm hungry!"**

**"Prying eyes?" Obi asked.**

**I stop by a large window that overlooks Coruscant and give Obi a frown, "Everywhere I have went, people are staring at me! They keep looking around and then I see some that turn away when I catch them staring."**

**"Well, you do behave, talk, and dress strangely. It is only natural that the others be curious," Qui said calmly.**

**"The others I can understand, but I noticed it too in the council chambers. Three different masters gave me funny looks," I felt like eating all the chocolate I could get my hands on. strange feeling**

**"Funny looks? Describe funny looks," Obi said, standing beside his master.**

**"Oh, I don't know,' I said, then stuck out my tongue, crossed my eyes, stuck my fingers in my ears and blew a loud raspberry, "Nothing like that mind you. Just watching me closely. Gee, for Jedi, you aren't really observant."**

**I had just started to snicker when Obi ran at me. His shoulder collided with my chest and we both went crashing to the floor. Qui was igniting his saber and in a flash, was thrusting the blade through the window.**

**Obi and I tumbled a few times before we stopped, me plastered to the floor and wondering what the hell just happened. I rose and peeked over Obi's shoulder and saw a strange robotic thingy, hovering outside my window. Qui's green blade was buried right in the middle of the control panel on its midsection. Qui withdrew his blade and the thing clanked against the glass and slowly slid down the pane and out of sight.**

**"Jeepers," I squeaked and pulled Obi's robes over my head and tucked myself under him. "I'm soooo dead! That bitch will make sure I'm TOAST!"**

**AN: Yeah yeah yeah, I know.. not up to my usual wackiness but I have a good excuse. The other muse has long since abandoned me so now I write more plot driven with twists of course fics that don't have a lot of silliness or random thoughts to them. Sorry this chapter was rather dry and not up to my usual standards for craziness. I shall try to do better.**

**Also, for the couple of people that emailed me and said it was a Mary Sue… Well if you read the first disclaimer, I said that "I", as in MYSELF, ME, PERSONALLY, have/had this adventure. I would dearly love to have Ewan McGregor, but I don't think his wife would be too happy about that. So, I will just enjoy writing about one of his characters and though most MS's end up snogging the object of their desire, notice how I hint what I would do/like to do and yet, I never DO anything. Is it a MS if you just show up to wreck havoc and enjoy seeing others exasperated with you ?**


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